Yesterday, I lit up a cigg and smoked. It's almost funny, because there were about seven of us, and all six of them just went "Whoa. You're smoking again?" The answer is no. I am not smoking again. It's just that I feel that a cigg is par for the course sometimes.

After the initial shock, Mai stood next to me and said "Is it really that bad? If you're smoking, then it's that bad." I forced myself to smile then hugged her. It's amazing how my friends know me and how I handle my problems.

Yes, it's that bad. It feels that my problems have accumulated. I wish that the only problems I have are financial problems, because money problems are always easy to deal with. But no. I have to have problems with my family, with the person I love, with my job... And things just keep taking a turn for the worst.

My aunt always says Most problems take care of themselves and I agree. I just wish they'd take care of themselves now, before I pick up another cigg and regret it.

---------------
The worst thing about secrets, is that when you need to talk about them, you can't. *sigh*

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 10:55 PM |



So we were at the halo-halo station and Phil tickled Chick. So what Chick did to get him back was tickle him too and apparently, he's ticklish too. Cute.

Anyway, because of all the tickling that's going on, I remember (out loud, haha) that when a person is no longer ticklish, that means that person is no longer a virgin. So Chick says "I resent that." Then Phil says "Well, I can hold it in."

Lmao.

Like, what the hell is that supposed to mean?! God. Hold it in?! For the love of all that is good!

It's so funny. Don't you think so? No? Sorry.

---------------
I heart Mae's Just Let Go.

Listen to it.

---------------
*sigh*

Music is the primary language I speak, and I've always thought that I could reach people through it. Yet, I find now that the person I want to reach the most does not speak it.

Oh, the horror.

---------------

You liked the test?
so S P R E A D I T ! tell everyone!!! (use Quick-Paste below)

you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...

...even more you'll find in Google

or do you prefer to

---

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose CY

Would you rather have chosen:

AY (EIGHT)

BY (FOUR)

CX (TWO)

CZ (ONE)

Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

...

Yeah, well. You suck. I'm not like that.

Yeah, I am.

Oh well.

Labels: stories

kitten posted @ 10:42 PM |



I am pathetic and I hate my friggin guts.

I should have known that being friends with my ex girlfriend's current boyfriend would have dire consequences (And there are just too many things in that sentence that make it all sooo wrong). But I, being the idiot that I am, decided that I was better than that, and hoped that he and I would be friends since, you know, he seemed like an extremely nice guy... at the time.

Needless to say, there is a reason I don't really like men. And those reasons run in their blood like gasoline runs through a car. And so Phil, being a man, is fueled by that junk I'd like to think of as sex. But I digress. I believe I was going to talk about consequences.

And the word in itself is genius. Con + sequence = something negative + following an action. Yes. And what transpired last night is everything the word negative stands for.

Idiot told me he was going to break up with Candy before the summer is over. God, I was crying! And I wanted to tell Candy. But tell her what, exactly? Yo, your man is gonna break up widyuz before school starts. Yeah? No.

And so I took it upon myself to manipulate dear old Phil into doing what I want, which is staying with Candy. (Yes, I know, how could I possibly want that when I'm in love with the girl, right? Aaah, love is a complicated thing, my dears. And my reasons are an entry by themselves. Shall we save it for another time?) So I told him that he loves Candy (Ow!) and that he could never do it to her, break her heart like that. I was completely dumbfounded with what he told me next.

Oh, I certainly can. I tried to once before.

It was like in those movies when a single phrase like that rings in an echo. I was already crying ten minutes into our conversation. What he said just made me lose it.

He goes on to tell me that when he did, Candy cried her eyes out.

[Two weeks after Candy went to Myrtle Beach, she got worried that she was going to fail her drug test for Rowan, which implies... *sigh* Anyway, apprently, Phil told her before she left for Myrtle Beach something like "You better not tell me what happens there or I'll break up with you." because, according to Phil, that's knowing Candy. (Can I just say that I hate how he talks about her like that?!) And he, being a man of his word, did break up with her for what she did.]

I quieted myself. I'm pretty sure he heard me crying. Then I said

I thought you loved her. How could you stand seeing her like that? The mere idea of Candy crying is enough to make me weak. These are the times I am convinced that only I can love her completely.

I realized then that I was screaming. I let my emotions get the better of me.

There is such a thing as "getting too comfortable" and I guess that was me last night. I forgot that it was my ex girlfriend's current boyfriend that I was talking to. And I obviously shouldn't have said what I did because he said "Then tell her that."

*sigh*

Bias is a terrible thing. It shrouds our minds from greater understanding. I forgot that, regardless of whether or not Candy will get hurt by what Phil might do, Phil has his emotions gambled in this too. He is in as much risk of getting hurt as she.

I haven't felt like this in a long time. I feel like somebody's literally trying to squeeze my heart out, and it hurts. But I am done crying. I have finally run out of tears.

I, having this terrible superhero complex, want to spare them their pain. But, inevitably, sparing theirs means welcoming mine. I guess I should be used to that by now.

"Loving means renouncing strength." Thank you, Milan Kundera. Truer words have never been spoken.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 10:51 AM |



I read this from my friend's profile at Friendster and... Waaah. :(

What if I stuck my hand out the window
Would I feel your breath...
...If I started to reminisce
The way you baked under the sun
Under the influence of that game
And won even hearts
And our smiles...
...You will never grow old
I will never get old
Coz we will never get old
You will always be that girl
I knew and and will always know
The miles are too weak...

It's... *sigh* They are... *sigh* Words I can relate to.

Credits to TCR. Many thanks, dear.

---------------
PLEASE ALLOW ME TO BE RANDOM.

I'm starting to think this inability to sleep is a problem. :(

Phil gave me one of Candace's hair clips yesterday. Um, why?

Can't wait to see Stardust, regardless of who I see it with.

Learned something sad yesterday. As Mai and I would say: Nagtatanong pa kasi eh. Gusto pa nasasaktan eh.
kitten posted @ 11:01 PM |



I was going to write about how I hated orientation slash refresher and how I could have possibly started a revolution but my dad pissed me off. He, in his own dad way, has just told me to f*ck off. So you know what, I'll f*ck off. I'll f*ck the hell off.

At the risk of sounding emo,

Nobody understands me.

And though I usually don't mind, for once I wish that they did. It's just so hard to swim against the current by myself.

Help.

:(

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 9:53 PM |



One of my friends at Multiply posted this and seeing as I am bored, bored, bored, I am reposting it.

...

Let others know a little more about
yourself, repost "_______OLOGY"

Q: What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Ranch

Q: What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. BK.

Q: What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Well, I've always enjoyed Saigon Grill in the Village... But to be honest I'm not one for those kinds of places.

Q: On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. I try to stay above 15%, and this pisses off my father very, very much.

Q: What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of it?
A: Dinuguan, mehn. I love that stuff!

Q: What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Honestly? I want mushrooms and pineapples. Everything else just doesn't matter when they're on it.

Q: What do you like to put on your toast?
A. I'm not much for toast. If I had to eat some, I'd have them plain.

TECHNOLOGY

Q: What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. Mountains or hills of some sort. Came with the PC when I got it. Never had the right mind to change it, I suppose.

Q: How many televisions are in your house?
A. Two. Ha! What a lonely house.

BIOLOGY

Q: Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. I am a righty.

Q: Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Do teeth count?

Q: What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. I'm not much for heavy lifting, papitos.

Q: Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Nope.

BULLCRAPOLOGY

Q: If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No.

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Lady Guinevere. You can start laughing now.

Q: What color do you think looks best on you?
A: Oranges and reds, and some blues and greens here and there.

Q: Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. It was a mosquito. I was coughing and as I gasped for air, I accidentally sucked it into my mouth. It wasn't my fault it was in such close range with my mouth, you know. And the taste was terrible. (This is why, kids, you cover your mouth when you cough.)

Q: Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. My brother's.

Q: Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Yes and by doing so he grabbed one of my tits. From time to time I wonder whether I'm more thankful he saved me or more angry that he grabbed my boob.

DAREOLOGY

Q: Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. I would kiss for less, believe me. Haha.

Q: Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000
A. Why do they want it cut off? No, I'm a pianist.

Q: Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Nope.

Q: Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. If they'd take my picture, yeah!

Q: Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. If they paid up front.

Q: Would you, without fear of punishment, take a humans life for $1,000,000?
A. No. I'm a flower child. Peace, bras. Lol

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. No pocket.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. Er. Haven't seen it.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Carpet.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. Who sits?

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A. 7

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. Run in wala. Pull over marami. Lol

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. I'd really love to be either a teacher or a writer or both.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8?
A. *beams* Not telling.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Phil.

Q: Last person who called you?
A. Phil.

Q: Person you hugged?
A. Phil. (Okay. I need more friends.)

Q: Person you kissed?
A. Phil and it was a peck on the cheek, alright?

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A. 13

Q: Season?
A: Seasons, actually. Fall and spring. Fall for dating, spring for going out with friends. :)

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A. Not really.

Q: Mood?
A. Perky.

Q: Listening to?
A: Valiant by The Spill Canvas.

Q: Watching?
A. Not much of a tv person.

Q: Worrying about?
A. Not actually worrying about anything, which, now that I think about it, is a refreshing change.

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A. Garden.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A. See Stardust!!!

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A. Ratatouille, yey. :)

Q: Do you smile often?
A. I've been told that I've been smiling a lot more recently. (I never realized that people paid attention to that kind of thing.)

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A. No. Sorry.

Labels: nonsense

kitten posted @ 10:26 PM |



If you haven't seen it, go see it... NOW!

---------------
Tomorrow, I will bore myself to death. Back-to-back days off suck.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 11:12 PM |



[Scene: Summer afternoon. Girl and Friend walk past Boy at the park.]

BOY: [sees Girl and Friend] Hey! Can I talk to you for a sec?
GIRL: Yeah, sure.
BOY: Yeah, I, uh, just have to tell you something really quick.
GIRL: Okay, shoot.
FRIEND: [whispers] He just wants to tell you that he has a crush on you.
GIRL: [blushes, then steps on Friend's toes]
BOY: I was hoping you'd let me buy you lunch tomorrow.
GIRL: Why not? I think I'd love that.
BOY: Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. [walks away]
GIRL: [to Friend] Okay. You! You don't do that. It's just... Ugh!
FRIEND: [laughs] You two are just so cute.

[End scene.]

---------------
*sigh* from Relient K's High of 75

"I'm sunny with the high of 75
Since you took my heavy heart and made it light.
And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive."

*sigh* Are you high too? :)

---------------
BANTAY!!! I miss you too. *mwah* Things have taken an unexpected twist. Prepare to be surprised.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 10:26 PM |



[Scene: Summer. The sun is setting. Girl and Boy are sitting at the park.]

BOY: [Sees a bruise on Girl's arm]
GIRL: [Looks out into the sunset]
BOY: Did you fall?
GIRL: [blushes] What?
BOY: Did you fall?
GIRL: Wh-what?
BOY: Did you fall? You have a bruise in your arm.
GIRL: [Clarity] Oh. Oh! You meant this [points at bruise].
BOY: What did you think I meant?
GIRL: Nothing. It's... [Sighs] No, I didn't fall.

[End scene.]

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 10:20 PM |



I don't get mad. I'd say I never get mad, but that would be a lie. A lot of things upset me, but it takes quite a lot to make me mad. Most importantly, I don't get mad because when I get mad, I get mad. No one is spared.

I'm mad. And I swear to god, I'll get even.

This means war.

Labels: stories

kitten posted @ 10:33 PM |



Today was a good day mostly because I didn't go to work. It's so much more of a burden than I am allowing you people to believe. Anyway, I initially wanted me-time but I had to babysit my cousins...

Which wasn't half bad. The last time I watched these babies we still had to wear bubble jackets. That was, what, three months ago? And you wouldn't believe how much the girls have grown!

We watched three different movies, had pancakes and cereal, played charades and bowling with the empty bottles around the house, went to the park, played soccer, ate ice cream and sat on the grass. Yes, today was good.

One important thing I learned today: Cute dogs = pretty girls/hot boys. *wide grin* Yeah. I'm getting myself a friggin dog and walking it everyday. We took Oli to the park with us and I must tell you that he is a hottie magnet. Haha.

Turning in before this day takes a turn for the worst. Haha.

Labels: stories

kitten posted @ 10:33 PM |



Knowing me and the way my life always takes an unbelievable, awful twist at the most inopportune of times, I've had all, all bad luck today. I've never really been superstitious and even after today I'd still dare to walk under ladders and shit. But, yes, today was a life changing day. Or maybe I should say that it was more life changing than any other.

*sigh*

It all started when I asked Phil to get some #8 bags (also known as brown paper bags) from our storage room. When he got back he was on the phone talking and I was about to give him a lecture about how he's not supposed to do that when he's clocked in, but the moment he hung up he was smiling at me and said "I just talked to my eighteen different managers."

My reaction, of course, was "Whaaa?" and I kept thinking to myself He tells me stuff like this like I'm affected. I know. I am a bitch. But anyway, he told me again, slowly this time (as if it made a difference to me): "I just talked to my eighteen different managers."

I raised an eyebrow. Really. I still didn't know what he was talking about. I guess he learned that too because he then said "I called in sick at my other job because Candy said she's stopping by today."

I said okay the way I have been programmed to do so at times when people talk about the things I don't care about. It took me two seconds to realize the immensity of what he just said.

"Wait. Did you just say that Candy's stopping by?" I asked.

"Yup. That's what she said."

Shock, then excitement.

It wasn't until a couple of minutes later, while I was refilling the napkin dispensers, that Phil brought up the Candy thing again. He was telling me that Candy was only going to be in the city for the weekend and blah blah blah. I couldn't listen. My mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of what she would be wearing and what she would say to me, if she would say anything to me at all. Then Phil said "There she is now." like Candy was doing something very natural.

"Hey babe," she said. *sigh* I wish she said those words to me. But she said them to Phil. And they were said while she was running sixty five miles per hour towards Phil.

She wrapped her arms around him and kept squealing. I kept my eyes down. It was like watching my own funeral, for godsakes. I kept refilling the dispensers but then I realized that it was already refilled, that I was breaking the goddamn dispenser. I looked up for one second and I saw *sigh* how lovingly she kissed him.

No, it wasn't one of those I-gotta-have-you-now kiss. It was one of those Sweetie-I-don't-know-how-I-made-it-without-you kind of kiss. And I just... melted.

"Hey Kit," she said next.

"Hey," I said without looking up. I didn't want to see her. I couldn't see her. I... just couldn't.

I put back the dispensers to their spots and walked to back of the store. I stood there for a few minutes. It hit me then that I was breathing heavily. I tried to calm down. I could do this. I kept thinking. But every time I took a step back into the store, I hurriedly took the same step back.

"Where's Kit?"

I could hear her voice from where I was. She was looking for me. It was hilarious. No, not hilarious like that, but hilarious nonetheless. In thirty seconds one of the guys came to get me. And Jen was sprinting fast behind him.

"She's looking for you."

I sighed. Jen hugged me, hugged me tight.

"She's looking for me," I said and started laughing. Jen held me, tried to laugh with me.

"Yes, she's looking for you," she said while stroking my hair.

I remember saying "I can't. Please. I just can't. Just tell her I can't." But what I remember more was the feel of the tears that rolled down my cheeks. They felt different. I wasn't crying because I lost her. I was crying because I could never have her again.

I wiped my tears dry, straightened out my shirt, cleared my throat and walked back into the store.

Oh how she hugged me!

"Hey hun. I have missed thee," she said.

I was savoring every minute of that hug. I wanted to hold her then like it was the last time I would ever hold her.

"I have missed you too," I told her. And that was the truth. I have missed her so very much. And somehow, even if it hurt to see them together, it was still wonderful just to be there to see her.

I let her go and looked at her. I smiled at her. I have forgotten how beautiful she was. It's been such a long time since I last saw her that I've forgotten how lovely she was under the store's light, that her hair's brown slash red slash blond, that she was my pretty goth chick.

"What?" she asked me.

"Nothing. It's just really good to see you."

We stood at the counter, our chins on our arms. I put my head in her arm for a second and said "I've really missed you."

"I know, hun."

And that would have been the perfect moment to hug her again except...

Except Phil wrapped his arms around her waist at that same moment and squeezed her. I was frozen. My god. She wants me to see this. I thought. And she probably did. No. She really did.

Then Phil said "Oooh, boobies." I just wanted to die. The hugging, I can stand. The kissing, I will endure. But groping. Groping is just too much.

Thankfully, Candy had enough sense in her to take his hands away from her body.

"Rutgers, right?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Ha! He didn't get in." she said while pointing at Phil. She was laughing.

"Don't do that. You're so mean!" I said.

"I know, and it's fun" she replied.

Well, at least I'm smart enough to get into Rutgers. I kept thinking. That was my only consolation. I was smarter than he...

At the end of Phil's shift, he clocked out and went to the bathroom to change his clothes. While Candy and I were waiting for him to come back, she flipped through our birthday cake catalog.

"Oooh. I want a Hello Kitty cake for my birthday!" she said.

"Are you serious? You know I'm actually get you one." I told her. She was laughing; she knew that I wasn't kidding either.

"That's true. I better take the time to actually pick one that I like," she said while flipping through the catalog.

"Okay. Here are your choices," she said.

"Oooh, let me get a pen and write it down," I said dryly.

I waited for her to tell me which ones she'd like. Five seconds later I realized that she was actually waiting for me to get a pen to write it down. Well, if I wasn't kidding, I guess she wasn't either. I grabbed a pen.

"You can get me... Either the Hello Kitty cake, the Winnie the Pooh cake but I want Eeyore in there, Lilo and Stitch, or Pokemon," she said while I scribbled all of that down. "Oh, and it would be so great if you could figure out a way to put it all in one cake."

"What are you doing for you birthday, miss?" she then asked me.

"Do you even know when my birthday is?" I asked her. It was a token question. How could she forget when our birthdays were right next to each other. But still...

"Yes. It's on the seventeenth."

"Right. Well, my friends and I are prolly going to hit the beach." I said.

"Oooh, the betch." [That's exactly how she said it.]

"Yes, the betch. What are you doing for yours?"

*points at Phil*

"Right," I said.

I felt betrayed with what Phil did next. He said:

"Uuwi na ako."

"Aaaw!" Candy said. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She pinched his cheeks and rubbed her nose to his. "You're so cute."

And he was. Except I taught him how to say that. I taught him how to say "Uuwi na ako" and he used it against me. I was enraged.

But then again, not really. I was just sad. Really, really sad.

I said my goodbyes, held her one last time and walked to my little corner at the store and cried...

---------------
"Enslave me."

---------------
No matter how we run from our feelings, our feelings will call us back and we will have no choice but to return... *sigh*

Labels: love, me

kitten posted @ 10:02 PM |



Tell me why every song reminds me of her.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 10:04 PM |



Pam tagged me. I figured it will be nice to post something like this here so...

THE RULES

In the 8 facts about [name], you share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you. Then at the end you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going.
– Each blogger must post these rules first.
– Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
– Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
– At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
– Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

And so here they are.

1. I got my first ever pair of Chucks today. Seriously. They are my first ever pair. When I found out I got into Rutgers (which was, what, two months ago), I kept saying that I would buy myself a celebratory pair of Chucks. For some reason, I never did. Now, I finally got them. Yeheeey.
2. I'm... religion-less. I don't want to say that I'm an aetheist because I think I know that there is a Supreme Being. I guess I'm just looking for a god I can relate to. Does that make sense? No? Sorry.
3. I'm allergic to lipstick. And lip gloss. I don't know why, but my lips swell up like crazy when I wear some so I never do.
4. The real reason I stopped smoking is because I started feeling out of breath. I got worried so I quit. On my really bad days, I still pick up a cigg and smoke, but when I lie down to sleep, I find that I can't breathe. It's sad, I know. [And that is why, kids, you shouldn't start smoking at age 11 like I did.]
5. I don't watch a lot of tv. I usually turn it on, if I turn it on at all, just so I can have background noise. I would enjoy listening to my Zen more than I would watching tv.
6. I want to live by the beach. It's sounds incredibly stupid, but I'd give up all the world's riches just to be able to see a wonderful sunset everyday.
7. I get really, really pissed off when the people I meet tell me my English doesn't have an accent to it. I mean, what does that even mean? And is that even a compliment?
8. I hate talking on the phone. The people I enjoy talking to, I don't even talk to at all. We stay on the line and say nothing... Somehow, there is no need to.

There they are, papitos. The eight lovely things I think you should know about me.

---------------
Last night, I was so angry that I couldn't sleep. I was so angry that I was crying. And a part of me was praying, praying really hard, to make it all go away. For the first time in a very, very long time, I felt helpless.

Labels: feelings, nonsense

kitten posted @ 10:14 PM |



Dalawang araw palang kaming magkasama sa trabaho at ramdam na ramdam ko na ang aking kakulangan. Siguro sa mga darating pang mga araw, lalo ko pa iyong mararamdaman.

Ilalagay ko dito yung mga pag-uusap namin na natatandaan ko.

KITTEN: So. How's Candy?
PHIL: Candy? She's in college.
KITTEN: I know that. But how is she?
PHIL: I don't really know. I've been a little too busy. I called her last night but I guess she was busy too.
KITTEN: Oh, okay. How long have you two been going out again?
PHIL: Six months today.
KITTEN: Six months today? Wow. That's interesting to me.
PHIL: Candance? She's quite a handful.
KITTEN: Don't get started on that. I know you love her. I see it when I look at you.
PHIL: Is that obvious?
KITTEN: Yeah. It is.

...

KITTEN: I'm tired.
PHIL: So am I. Working thirteen hours sucks.
KITTEN: Well, the only reason I got you this gig was because you said you needed the money.
PHIL: I know.
KITTEN: Why do you need the money?
PHIL" *quiet*
KITTEN: Oh, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I didn't mean to...
PHIL: No, it's okay. I'm here for my brother and sister.
KITTEN: That's interesting. So am I.

...

KITTEN: Are you catching a ride?
PHIL: Yeah. I'm actually headed to an anime convention in Secaucus.
KITTEN: An anime convention? *laughs*
PHIL: I know. I'm a loser.
KITTEN: No. It's not that. I happen to like anime. Do you know Chobits?
PHIL: I do.
KITTEN: *quiet*
PHIL: Since I'm going to an anime convention, I'll see if they have anything from Chobits that I can get you.
KITTEN: Really? That's so sweet. But you don't have to.
PHIL: I know I don't have to. I want to.
KITTEN: *quiet*
PHIL: Well, I gotta go. My ride's here. *extends arms as if to hug me*
KITTEN: Oh, okay. *extends hand as if to shake hands with Phil*
PHIL: *makes a face*
KITTEN: I'm sorry. Do we hug or shake hands or...?
PHIL: Why don't we try both? *does that one-hand hug with hand-shake thing* There you go.
KITTEN: *quiet*
PHIL: Well, I'll see you around.
KITTEN: Yeah. I'll see you around.

...

Naiiyak ako. Ano bang imperfection niya? Ako, I have so many. He seems to have none.

I hate being inferior.

Labels: love, thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:52 PM |



"I love her so much that my love spills over to him. I love her and she loves him. I find that I somehow love him too."

That was the answer I gave when asked why I cared so much about Phil and his first day at the store.

Boy, oh, boy.

Somebody please tear out my heart and rip it to pieces.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 10:51 PM |



Haven't been updating in a while, sorry. Mai has been hanging around the house a lot, which is why I haven't been able to update.

Sea Bright Boro was great. :) There weren't a lot of people, it was quiet and the water was nice. Freezing but nice. I am definitely coming back to that place.

Tomorrow's Phil's first day at the store. I actually want to come in early, see if he's alright and stuff, but... bleh, he's not that important. Or at least I don't want him to think that he is. He's only my ex's boyfriend, after all.

Candy's been great in Rowan, I've heard. I don't doubt that she's having so much fun. *sigh* I just wish I could have seen her before she left...

Mai's been reassigned to the kitchen. Shoot. We're missing one cashier. I don't know how we're going to make it through the weekend. It will be terrible. :( Sometimes the things that Emilee does with little or no thinking prove how big of an idiot she is. We'll see how this goes.

I had second racist experience yesterday. :(

Andun kami ni Mai sa Dunkin Donuts sa Grove Street, kasi hinihintay namin si Kuya Eric. Magpapalibre sana kami ng kape tska croissanwich. Anyway, maliit lang kasi yung Grove Street store so carry out lang lahat, walang upuan. Eh may window dun na may space para umupo so sabi ni Kuya Eric umupo daw kami dun. So umupo ako.

Ngayon, may pumasok na puti, bibili ng kape. Sabi ni Mai bwiset daw yung customer na yun (Mai used to work there kasi). Edi sa isip isip ko, whatever. Nung una, nagrereklamo yung lalaki kasi mag-isa si Kuya Eric sa tindahan. Sabi niya kung di daw makakapaghire ng tao yung may ari ng franchise eh isara na lang daw yung franchise. Edi mejo nainis na ako kasi inaaway niya si Kuya Eric diba, to think speedy ang service ni Kuya Eric.

Kaso, nakita niya na nakaupo ako dun sa may window. (I was in a half lotus.) Tapos sabi niya, God, you're killing the franchise here. I didn't look up. Fuck, I didn't want to look up. Look at that. God. I don't care. Dunkin Donuts is from my country. sabi niya sa kasama niya na ayaw pumasok sa tindahan. Yung kasama niya, di na lang nagsasalita eh. Alam mo yun. Di na lang sumali sa kabalbalan ng putanginang puti na yun.

Right. Dunkin Donuts is from your country. Now what? Up yours asshole. If coffee is the best thing your country has to offer, then you're good for nothing. I was about to start a monologue about how there's no such thing as American because more than half of the population came from somewhere else. I was about to tell him (And on the 4th of July too.) that Americans have no national costume, no national dance, no national food, no national everything, because Americans have no culture of their own. English isn't even their own language. Shit. To be American is to be without identity. Fuck you. Dunkin Donuts may not be from my country, but at least I know what it means to be Filipino.

*sigh* Pag alis nung customer, sabi sa'kin ni Mai, Alam mo na kung bakit siya bwiset?

In my defense, wala siyang pakialam kung gusto ko umupo sa may window. He doesn't own the fucking place. Aaand the manager told me to sit there because we were waiting for him. Aaand even if people aren't supposed to sit on the damn window, my sitting there does not affect him, dammit. It's none of his fucking business what I do, lalo na kasi di naman siya apektado. Eeeh, bahala na.

Grove Street is a nice place because the population's mostly white. But since it's mostly white, they're not exactly very happy about the idea of other races hanging around there. :(

---------------
Sly. Sensual. Guarded. Different somehow. You are The Nymph.

It appears like you're looking for a fling or a casual sexual relationship, but it's not that simple. You're a hungry but also very careful person, and this generates a certain amount of sexual tension within you and in your relationships. In other aspects of life, you get what you want. In relationships, that's not always the case.

It's possible you intimidate potential lovers. Most likely, though, you're a little closed off--therefore mysterious--and, naturally, people find that difficult to get with. Maybe it's just part of your selection process, though. You've been in enough relationships to know to expose yourself slowly.

When you do feel comfortable with someone, though, your torrid sexual appetite will make him very happy. Your cautious nature is also a big asset in a long-term relationship. It might take longer for love to establish itself, but when it does, it's all the stronger.

Take it here.

Can I just say natawa ako sa result? Haha.

Labels: stories, thoughts

kitten posted @ 8:37 AM |