Tuesday, February 27, 2007
-otherwise blank-
"Dying is better than staying there."
~Kitten to Rae when told that she will die if she moves out of the house.
"Ang tanong ay kung maatim mong hindi na makita ang mga kapatid mo."
~Ralph to Kitten about moving out.
"Wag kang padaskul-daskol."
~Dax to Kitten about moving out.
Ang masasabi ko lang: It's only Tuesday. Maybe I'll change my mind before Thursday.
Labels: thoughts
kitten posted @ 9:05 PM |
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Wee. :)
Listening to Unkle Bob's Swans.
*sings*
By my side, you'll never be
By my side, you'll never be
Coz I'm fake at the seams
I'm lost in my dreams
And I want you to know
That I, I can't let you go
And you're never coming home again
And you're never coming home again
By my side, you'll never be
By my side, you'll never be
You'll never be
I wanted to tell you I changed
I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time
I see you and you see me differently.
I see you and you see me differently.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.
I bought a RAZR. It's Magenta. Not fu... fushi... fusi... fucsh... Not hot pink. Not carnation pink. Magenta, baby. :) Ooh-la-la-ness.
When Emilee asked me why I did all I could tell her was that I wanted something "flashy, easy to spot and begging for attention--like me."
Wala na lang siyang nasabi eh.
My lemon crinkles were a hit. :)
Labels: nonsense
kitten posted @ 11:53 PM |
The second time around...
Just when I thought Lilo and I could finally work things out, this issue pops up. Completely out of nowhere.
Okay. I know Mai loves Frank. And I know that Lilo may be a bully at times. But for heaven's sake, that is none of our business. Lilo and Frank have a relationship that's exclusive to brothers. If Frank has a problem with the way Lilo is treating him, it should come from him and not Mai. What goes on between Frank and Lilo is none of her friggin business.
Hindi naman ako galit nito. Actually, I'm not upset that she's trying to protect the interests of her boyfriend. That's okay. What I can't accept is the fact that she will take measures too drastic and too unbecoming just to "even out" the score.
Honestly, I don't care if she wants to burn down Lilo's house, tear all of his clothes or even kick his ass. But to put him in a situation where he could possibly lose his job, where his professional life and character was compromised, is just too much for me.
Magtutuos kami ni Mai mamaya.
Is love sweeter the second time around?
Recently, I've found myself having conversations with him that I didn't think I'd ever have with him. My phone's inbox is again filled with messages from him that impressed, touched, and flattered me. My hands get cold, my heart beats faster and I get this unbelievable rush when he's around.
I feel stupid, letting myself get into this spiral again. But for some reason, though I want to get out of this before things spin out of control, I can't. I just can't.
*sigh*
kitten posted @ 11:49 AM |
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Hyped.
Don't ask. Not telling. :)
I'm going to make lemon crinkles on Thursday... Wee. :)
Again, hyped. Majorly hyped. :)
Labels: thoughts
kitten posted @ 8:52 PM |
Monday, February 19, 2007
*
The problem about being part of the management is that sometimes people treat me like I don't have a soul. Customers can buy only $0.99 worth of products and still manage to make me their bitch. And it pisses me off. It really does.
I just experienced being racially discriminated. *skips story* I'm telling you, had I not been on duty when that happened, I swear to God, people in the store would have seen me ablaze.
[When I'm on fire, everybody gets burned. Everybody. Nobody is ever spared. I don't care about innocent blood. Innocent blood my fucking ass. If you were there, you saw it happen, you did nothing, fuck you, you should get burned too.]
...But since I was clocked in, I did what was expected from me and walked away the bigger man. Woman. Woman! Friggin quotes.
Anyway, I know I'm wonderfully submissive but I can't be everybody's bitch. Wait. I can't be anybody's bitch.
I'm telling you, I'm too good for this job.
This day went like hell. By 5pm I was too emotionally drained that I was numb. But when we walked passed each other, OMFG, all of that vanished like *poof!* And Mai, stupid Mai, took my jacket so I couldn't leave the store.
I was begging people to get my jacket from Mai (She was using any and all available body parts to keep me away from the area where she's keeping my jacket hostage.) when Lilo comes up to me and says "Mamaya ka na kasi umuwi."
Kulang na lang talaga magpalak-pakan ang mga tao. OMFG. And Papie Frank was looking at me with super smiling eyes as if to say "Uuuuuy. Kilig." Then Papie Pat goes "Oh. Eh di nadali din ni Lilo." and pats Lilo at the back. OMFG.
I don't know why he came to the store. I know they called him, but he usually just turns people down, kesho matutulog siya, kesho maaga pa ang pasok niya bukas. But I'm glad he came. Lahat ng pagod, lahat ng sakit, lahat ng hirap, nakakalimutan ko kapag nadidiyan siya.
He still has that magic over me. I came home smiling. People on the street must have thought I was crazy, smiling to myself like that.
We're all a little crazy when we're in love, aren't we?
I can feel something different for the first time
Heaven makes sense and all words rhyme
No chance of stopping now, I'm taking it all.
Now I'm caught in the air, it's a good glide
Pass it up, wouldn't dare, what a wild ride
I remember being ready and waiting to fall
Just like I did tonight.
--The chorus from Mae's Ready and Waiting to Fall.
kitten posted @ 10:54 PM |
Happy One Year Anniversary in America :)
A person cannot fully appreciate the vastness of this earth until he tries to find one particular person and fails.
To Ray, for I hope that fate will be on my side in finding you: The memory of your face will forever haunt me. You are my perfect stranger.
I woke up today to find a message in my inbox. I hurriedly opened it, thinking it was from Emilee or Ralph. It was from neither.
It read: You thought I'd forget, but happy one year anniversary in America. :)
She remembered. Nobody else greeted me. Only she did. In a way, it has always been only her.
We would have been going out for six months today. *sad smile* Can't say I don't miss her.
Funny thing, Far Away is playing on the background. That's our song. At least it used to be...
*sings* I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Labels: thoughts
kitten posted @ 12:23 AM |
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Ache-ing.
I love that he's playful; that he is like a puppy that needs all the love and attention you could give him; that we make each other laugh - hard.
I hate that I'm only realizing all of this now...
Nasa huli nga ang pagsisisi.
Ache by James Carrington
Isn't it strange, the way things can change ?
Life that you lead, turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt for
House in its yard turns into home.
Sorry but I meant to say, many things along the way, this ones for you
Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,
Have I told you I ache for you?
Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,
Have I told you I ache for you?
The time that it took, writing words for my book, seems to have broken off
The gate that I shot, last time I got hurt, seems to have opened itself
O what, it's spinnin now, it's trying to catch me up
Tell me to appriciate, here and now
I'm sorry but I meant to say, many things along the way, this ones for you
Have I told you i ache, Have i told you i ache,
Have i told you i ache for you?
Have I told you i ache, Have i told you i ache,
Have i told you i ache for you?
Downloading Kylie Minogue tracks. Tomorrow, Red Ribbon will party. :)
I miss you.
kitten posted @ 12:21 AM |
Thursday, February 15, 2007
CONVERSE One
Hearts' Day is closing and I'm not sure I spent it the way I wanted it to.
I had plans. I had ideas on what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and, most importantly, who I wanted to spend it with. As things never go as planned in my world, today was pretty much a detour.
It's 10.46 and all I can think of is how I want to brave the elements and walk up to his building. I want to hold pebbles in my hand and throw them at his window. I'll say I was stupid for letting him go, and I'll tell the world how much I really love him. Then again, it's just the pre-conceived notion of Valentine's Day being a romantic occasion talking. After all, if we really were to celebrate St. Valentine's dear ol' life, we'd all be on our hands and knees praying while some poor bloke gets his head chopped off in sacrifice or whatever.
So yeah, the day is almost over and were it not for Myra buying me a "suprise" Lilo and Stitch Chocolate with Chocolate Fudge cake, this day would have been a total loss. Of course I also have to give credit to friends who, inspite of their own
Today sucked. It's almost a guarantee that tomorrow will be better. :)
I need to be onstage. I miss performing.
The spotlights might not love me, but I love the spotlights. I was born for them.
Can't wait to get paid next week. I'm getting me them Chucks I designed. :)
Kaso nga lang dalawa yun. Eh $60.00 isa. Ngek. Next time na lang yung isa. :)
"Broadway is dark tonight
A little weaker than you used to be."
from The Goo Goo Dolls' Broadway
kitten posted @ 12:00 AM |
Monday, February 12, 2007
Chocolate Chip. Peanut Butter. Oatmeal Raisin.
Amidst all the Valentine
How quickly time goes by.
Why do we do anything and everything for the one we love?
Perhaps we only do so because we're half-afraid half-certain that if we don't, they'll stop loving us. That is, of course, if they ever loved us at all to begin with.
This is the second year I'm going through Valentine's by myself. Can't say I wished that there was somebody to celebrate it with. I think I hoped more that this year I'd have reasons to celebrate.
I baked the cookies. I'm giving them away on Wednesday. Advanced Happy Hearts' Day, everyone.
Labels: thoughts
kitten posted @ 11:34 PM |
Sunday, February 11, 2007
$50,000.00
Do you know what your chances are at winning the lottery? My old teacher always said that you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than having the winning numbers. I guess that's why when my friend won $50,000.00 from the lottery, I felt like I was hit by lightning.
I was struck. And jealous. And struck. And jealous.
*wide eyes* $50,000.00!
Think about what I can do with that much money. And, oh my God, the places I would visit. And the things I would buy... Makes me wonder why God let their family win that much money and why my family's never won anything ever.
But then it hit me: Everything always happens because God lets it. So however random it is that they won $50,000.00 just like *snap* that, it must be for a good reason.
A little scary when you think about it that way.
Labels: thoughts
kitten posted @ 11:19 PM |
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Today was the day.
When Dax said he was at the store, my immediate reaction was to make my way to the counter and say hi. But then it hit me. This guy is an illusion. He doesn't exist. I may fall in love with everything I see in him, but at the end of the day, he's nothing but lies.
I stopped half-way to the counter. I didn't want to see him, and he didn't need to see me. I wanted to leave it at that.
Around 8 tonight, I started cleaning up around the store. Funny thing, I'm refilling the condiments and he goes there. He grabs my hand for a shake and kisses me on the cheek. I forced a smile and asked how he was. He said he was fine. He asked for lemon, I gave him some and I walked away.
They stayed until the store's closing. I had to act like it wasn't a big deal that he was there, so I started with the inventory. He got up to leave and I gave a sigh of relief all too soon. It wasn't long before he was making his way to me.
We're leaving, he says to me.
Oh, okay. Ingat.
He grabs my hand again and kisses me on the cheek. I'll see you again soon, then points a finger at me.
I smiled. I was cursing under my breath. He starts walking away then he double-takes, says quickly You look good then flashes his debonaire smile.
Now, forgive me for saying this but I hate that he tries to act like we're still the sweetum-teetum item that we were a couple of months back. And I hate that though he's an
Kahit na. Columbia guy, you are so last year.
Do you believe in celebrating monthsaries? There's no such thing as monthsaries, even.
I'm sorry but I think it's so mediocre. Gawd. *rolls eyes*
Magbati na kayo. Para kayong tanga. Marami pang monthsary na darating para sa inyong dalawa, diba? O kiss and make up na.
Pengeng singles!, sabi ni Lilo sa'kin kanina, sabay abot ng ten dollars.
Binuksan ko yung kaha ko, sabay bilang ng sampung singles. Inabot ko sa kanya without looking up from what I was doing.
Kinuha niya yung singles sa kamay ko. Tapos nagulat ko kasi he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I still didn't look up. And I pretended like it didn't happen. But my body had other plans.
I had to go to the kitchen para makatakas sa powers ng lolo mo. Grabe na itu. Sabi tuloy sa'kin ni Ralph Bawal ngiti-ngiti dito, busy kame.
That was the first time he held my hand. And he squeezed it. My god he squeezed it. *sigh* Sana... wala lang.
Ang gulo ko. One minute gusto ko siya, the next ayaw ko na ulit.
From Third Eye Blind's Mototrcycle Drive By:
And there's this burning like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive.
Sabi nga ni Emilee, Gaano man ka-intimidating si Kitten, at the end of the day, she's still a girl.
kitten posted @ 11:07 PM |
:)
My feet are criss-crossing as I try to make my way around our house. I'm still a little groggy from watching Disney-Pixar movies yesterday.
I had a marathon, you see. I saw A Bug's Life, The Incredibles, Finding Nemo, Monster's Inc., Chicken Little. All this while sewing up my new jeans. :)
Wee. And I have a new shamrock necklace. :)
Labels: stories
kitten posted @ 11:17 AM |
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Domesticating Me
Right. Today, I realized that I don't want to have kids running around my house; I don't want to clean up messes besides mine; I don't, and I mean I don't, want to ever worry about what I'm supposed to make for lunch.
I was stuck baby sitting my two cousins today. I was tagged (by my mom) to make dinner for the day. I was also tagged (now by my dad) to do some grocery shopping.
Everything was going well until every movie I tried putting on for my cousins was a movie they've already seen. Attention span. Boredom. Imagination. Games. Oh, good lord.
Rice crispies on the floor, scarves all over the place and whiny kids were enough to drive me over the edge.
And then OMFG 4PM came which meant it was time for me to make dinner.
I put on the Nutcracker on the DVD and make my way to the kitchen. I'm slicing and dicing away for ten minutes and when I come back to the living room it looks like... *theme from Psycho*
I could clean up after these stupid children or I could let my family go hungry. Ah, hello?
So I was mix-mix-mixing the vegetables and my hand starts bleeding. Oh, what fun! I had this burn on my knuckle from when I hit the caliente empanada tray. Anyway, I guess my skin broke again when I was exposed to heat from cooking.
I went on emotional shut-down. I honestly can't tell you every detail of what I did after I saw my hand bleed. Whiny little children, unbelievable messes and a bleeding hand will drive anybody crazy.
So yeah.
I'm never having kids. I'm never getting married. I'm never going to give up the solitude of my den.
Never, baby.
Labels: stories
kitten posted @ 11:44 PM |
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
:) [edited]
I downloaded the Most Relaxing Classical in the World... Ever album and YEY!
Classical music has always made sense to me. Like now.
Wee.
Nag-joke ako kahapon, walang tumawa.
Nakakahiya.
It was a joke, I know. But it wasn't funny to me.
Labels: thoughts
kitten posted @ 10:50 AM |
Monday, February 05, 2007
For Valentines:
Oatmeal raisin. Peanut butter. Chocolate chip.
I'm putting them in heart-shaped boxes.
And I'm giving them away, almost without thought...
Just like my heart.
But I'm hoping they don't get chucked...
Labels: love
kitten posted @ 8:33 PM |
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Blinders please.
Nagulat na lang ako kanina nung may biglang sumigaw na customer:
Stop looking!
Pagtingin ko may customer na sobrang galit na kay Lilo. So nung una hindi ko naintindihan. Tapos napansin ko he was blushing, pulang-pula yung mukha niya. Pagtingin ko sa customer ko, that's when it hit me.
He was looking at my customer. Kasi chinita na ewan. The poor guy has this thing for chinitas. Ewan ko. I can't explain it. Neither can he. So... intindihin niyo na lang. Basta bottomline: Tinititigan niya yung babae.
Tinitigan ko talaga si Lilo. Bad trip amp. Pero sinabi ko na lang Oo nga, Lilo. Stop looking. Tapos I went back to what I was doing. Wala na eh. Wala naman na akong ibang magagawa eh.
Labels: stories
kitten posted @ 9:01 PM |
Friday, February 02, 2007
:(
Denied.
Labels: nonsense
kitten posted @ 11:22 PM |
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Doubts, anyone?
I've been fussing about how I'm going to tell Lilo not to do the whole Coast Guard thing. I've been weepy and I've been restless. I knew I could stop him. The question was whether he'd let himself be stopped.
Today he asked me whether I had plans of going back to school. I faked a laugh and said yes. Then he told me: Ako din, mag-aaral. Ayoko na mag-Coast Guard. Mag-e-LPN na lang ako.
I was stunned. I'm even more stunned that I'm not celebratory.
Perhaps what I wanted was a relationship that was doomed so that I could save it and prove myself to be the wonder that I am.
We were on our way home. We just walked out of a nearby Dunkin Donuts. I looked up at the sky and saw the lovely month-end moon.
I asked him to go to the park with me and he said yes. A couple of blocks down, he stops and asks me why we were going to the park. I said that I just wanted to sit and look up at the moon. He said he'd just take me home. I never got to share a park bench with him. I never got to look up at my moon.
All I wanted was to look up at the moon. Maybe it didn't make sense to him. Maybe he thought it was a waste of time. Or maybe he was just tired...
Whatever the reason, I doubt whether this is something I want or just something other people want for me. He might be the perfect guy, but he might not be the perfect one for me.
Labels: feelings
kitten posted @ 2:12 AM |
