It seems I have little time to blog nowadays. Or maybe, I refuse to blog everything that has been happening in my life.

Has there ever been a point in your life when you had two choose between two things that are, in essence, the same and yet unbelievable different? If there hasn't been any, pray that you will never have to be in that point.

I was just telling my friend a while ago how I miss being happy.

I miss the happy me.

It seems that all I know right now is misery. It can get very tiring.

I have recently been given the chance to be happy again, if I ony choose to be. And I am at the point of choosing this. But something is holding me back. I feel that this is not what I want. This might not even be the right way to be happy.

I blame myself for letting this escalate to this level.

It was simple but I overcomplicated it.

I don't know if I have enough strength and will to clean up the mess.

kitten posted @ 8:07 AM |



Whoa. When people said it was hell week in UP, I didn't think it would mean I wouldn't be able to blog. :( Ang sad sad... :( Anyway, long entry coming up!

Tuesday: It was a good day for l<3ve. Joke. It was a good day. No math, yay!, and Prof. Vitriolo came to class. Astig. :)

Of course there was post-class. :) Ahoy, ang saya. :) We're friends again. *Thank you Lord* And I am happy. :)

Wednesday: Not so good day. I cut MA classes to see someone who didn't show up. It was a good thing Carla and Nolan were around to, ya know, share a little bit of my pain. Argh talaga.

But then again, LTS was so good. I liked it even if it was boring at some parts. :)

Thursday: If Tuesday was a good day, heck, I wouldn't know what Thursday would be. :) It was absolute heaven. :) *toot* was very, very nice to me again. :) *sigh* At least, alam ko na magkaibigan kami. :)

Ang hirap nung Histo exam, promise! Tres na ito... :(

The NatSci report was good. :) Joyce was super funny, I swear! I enjoyed watching her. And Jen was mighty creative. :) A+ for the effort! :)

Friday: Comm was good. We're finally doing something relevant! LOL. Maths was so-so. Prof. Magboo came to class late and, shucks, I almost went to the library. :) SocSci was good din, pero it was half-Theo and quarter-Philo bcause some of them had a dumb debate about the Bible and God. *ahem* Baka gusto niyong magkagulo? Joke lang. :)

Wah. The Math Dept exam was okay. Ayan. But you know what? I'll prolly get into trouble for writing stuff in my questionnaire. :) Wah. Darn MC system! Nadala ko hanggang sa UP. :(

Saturday: This, I figure, will be the longest of them all. :)

Never leave your house with Php60 or less.

I left the house at arund 6am because I had to meet Cat at the National Library at around 8.30am. I forgot to eat breakfast and I also forgot to ask for my allowance and left the house with only Php60. I figured I had enough. I had stored value tickets for the train and everything anyway. So all I had to spend was Php11 to get to LRT2 station in Katip + Php2 for band-aid [I had two big boo boos.].

After Cat got to the library at around 9am, we found our way into the Multimedia Room [which, btw, was not multimedia as I would think it were] to check out their microfilms. Blah. They didn't have what we were looking for! :( They had a little of what we were looking for but

1. We couldn't get them printed out.
2. Shempre gusto namin kumpleto na.

So we decided to go to the Lopez Memorial Museum. :) [Thanks nga pala kay Manong Microfilm. He was sooo nice. :)]

We made our way to the MRT station in Edsa-Taft and I had to pay the fare which was around Php12. Funny, we didn't know which station to get off. :) We guessed we had to get off at the Ortigas station, since Ortigas was where the Lopez Museum was. We got off the train and asked around and nobody knew where the Lopez Memorial Museum was. Ahoy. We walked from the Ortigas station of the MRT, passed the Shaw Blvd Station [o db ang layo?], walked through this shopping place and found our way to the terminal of jeeps supopsed to pass the LMM.

So that's Php 6. I don't know whether this is funny or just plain stupid, but we still didn't know where the hell to get off the jeep. We just asked the driver to tell us when we were in Meralco Ave. Ahoy! We didn't think Meralco Ave was super long. :( The nice lady [which we will later come to hate] told us where to get off so thank God [or not].

We were at the intersection of Meralco Ave and some road. :( We walked towards this building the lady was pointing to. We kept on asking around about LMM but nobody knew where the hell it was. :( Ang haba-haba ng nilakad namin tas walang may alam. Would you believe we walked as far as the road going to Rizal? :( My aching feet! LOL. We decided to walk the opposite direction. We were at a "dead end" anyway.

My friend was starting to get all grumpy. :( We were tired, hungry and lost. Our Hope-meter was at negative and our feet couldn't take us any farther than Ice Monster. How convenient! :)

She ate and I texted. I was hungry and thristy as hell, but I couldn't deprive my friend of her food. :) Payat na nga yung tao eh! :) The person I was texting to was, annoyingly, talking about food din. :( Talk about rubbing it in your face. LOL.

After that we started walking again and guess what? It started drizzling. *sigh* Kapag nga naman minamalas ka oh. :(

It was a good thing that we passed this bunch of MMDA and asked whether they knew where the LMM was. They knew! :) YEHES! :) They gave us directions and stuff and out Hope-meter was slowly going up. :)

We walked and we arrived at the Benpres Building haggard and still haggard. LOL. We come up to th counter only to find out that the entrance fee was Php 60. :( Damn. I only had *counts money* Php 30. :( It was a good thing Cat's a super duper nice person and she paid for half my entrance. The first thing I did once I got inside? Texted my mum and asked her to drive to Benpres and bring money. :)

After that, the librarian saw us and guessed we were Iskas. Ahoy. Siguro super haggard na kami nun at naisip niya na Iska kami. LOL. Anyway, she knew exactly what we were looking for so we sat down and waited to be assisted. :) The pages came and... Php 20 per page.

Aray. I had literally no money left. :( It was a good thing my mum was on her way.

A little later, my phone started vibrating. My mum was there! Yipee. :)

I rush outsde and then... *sigh*

*toot* was there.

*toot* : Bakit ngayon ka lang?
Kitten: Ano? Kanina pa ako nandito! Ikaw ang bakit ngayon lang! *wide grin*
*toot* : *kurot* *gigil voice* Hmmm, namiss kita.
Kitten: *hug*
*pat on the shoulder* *Kitten turns around*
Kitten: Nolan!!! *hug*
*toot* : Bakit mo siya hinuhug?
Kitten: *wide grin* *hugs toot* Sorry. *grin* Sandali lang ha?
*toot* : San ka pupunta?
Kitten: Anjan parents ko eh. Puntahan ko lang sandali.
*toot* : Oh? Pakilala mo ako. *sabay hawak sa kamay ni Kitten*
Kitten: *dumbfounded* Ha? O sige. *smiles*
*toot* : Hindi, ayoko. *smiles*
Kitten: Okay. Saglit lang ah. *walks out the door* *talks to parents* *starts to walk back to the door*
*toot* : *waving hand* Hello mommy ni Kitten.
Kitten: Sabi ko kasi sa'yo pakilala kita eh. :)
*toot* : Yoko nga. *wide grin*
- - -
Kitten: *says to self* Ang lamig, takte.
*toot* : *hands Kitten a jacket*
Kitten: *sees Cat freezing to death* *hands Cat the jacket* O.
*toot* : Kay Cat ko ba binibigay? *smiles*
Kitten: *melts* Hindi okay lang.
Cat: Okay lang ako.
*jacket is left alone* *Kitten puts it back to where it was*
*toot* : *puts the jacket on Kitten*
- - -
*toot* : Bakit hindi ka pa kumakain?
Kitten: Ha? Eh...
*toot* : *stares at Kitten*
Kitten: *melts* Wala kasi kaming nadaanan na food place. <-- Liar!
*toot* : Hmm...
Kitten: *jokes* Dapat kaya magpapabili ako sa'yo ng pagkain. *wide grin*
*toot* : Dapat kaya bibilhan kita ng pagkain! *smiles*
Kitten: Talaga?! *smiles* Anung bibilhin mo sa'kin? *wide grin*
*toot* : Ice cream.
- - -
*walking down the hall*
Kitten: Teka lang Cat. *walks toward toot* Aalis na kame. Bye.
*toot* : *sad voice* Ha?
Kitten: Bye. *waves hand*
*toot* : *takes Kitten's hand* Dito ka muna.
- - -
*sigh*

You. You. YOU.

I don't know how you do it. But every moment with you is tender, and everything you say is sweet.

Sunshine.

You are my only sunshine.

No one can scare away the dark clouds like you can...


Tried not to talk to you. I tried to hide it. But one word, one look, one smile from you and I know again

I'd fall.

kitten posted @ 6:42 PM |



Today was a good day. Thank you Lord!

Morning: Okay. I am such an evil person. I came to school early today and told my parents that I was doing so to practice for our PE practical exam. Wah. Pero my friends and I didn't practice. I met up with someone at Mcdo Pedro Gil and... TADA! :) I am happy.
Can I just say that I now like strawberries? I like strawberry ice cream, and strawberry lollipops... *sigh*

If you didn't get that, don't worry. You're not supposed to. :)

Afternoon: Histo exam was manageable and NatSci was tolerable, as always. I found out though, quite a bit too late, that whenever we pass those cursed evaluation sheets, we're supposed to write our names for attendance on that same paper! Damn. I haven't been writing my name. :( I wonder how many absences I have na. :)

Hmm... I'm so happy. And I guess it shows. :)

.::change topic::.
Know what? I love you.

I don't care if you think I shouldn't.

I don't care if you don't love me back.

I love you, and I will love you with all my heart because if I don't I will lose my mind.

I am happy. And I know you are too. Good for us, noh? :) Even if your happiness means I have to love you in secret, I am willing to give it to you. I want you to be happy. Your happiness will make me happy... :)

I love you. I love you, damnit. Marry me? LOL.


Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go...

But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe i’m just not the one for you...

kitten posted @ 9:00 AM |



Bakit ganon?

Sabi ko tama na ang mga pag-iyak ko, pero kahapon pinaiyak mo na naman ako... Di kaya talagang bobo at iyakin lang ako?

Nung nagsosorry ka, ayoko kitang tingnan kasi tangina pinapatawad na kita sa pagsabi mo pa lang ng pangalan ko.

Buong klase nun, sinubukan kong di ka na isipin, pero hindi ko magawa. Ikaw na lang ng ikaw ang nasa isip ko. Hindi kasi ako makapaniwala na kahit nariyan ka lang, hindi parin kita maabot. Baka nga hinding-hindi kita maabot...

Nag-break at inalis ko ang isip ko sa iyo. Madali naman pala kapag wala ka sa tabi ko. Tapos ano? Sa classroom magugulat na lang ako na may biglang hahagkan sa'kin. Ipinatong mo pa ang ulo mo sa ulo ko at niyapos mo ako. Hindi mo lang alam, ang sarap ng pakiramdam nun. Sa maniwala ka't hindi, naramdaman ko lahat ng gusto mo sa'kin sabihin - Sorry, Thank you, ... wag na yung isa.

Nababaliw na siguro ako. Buti na lang may Ward 7 ang PGH. Kapag matagal akong hindi nagsulat, malamang nandun na ako.

Masaya ako kasi binigay sa'kin ni God yung one beautiful day na hinihingi ko. Huli na siguro yun, pero wala akong problema dun. Isa lang din naman kasi ang hinihingi ko. Isa lang at masayang-masaya na ako.

Natatakot lang ako... Mataas na naman ang nililipad ko. Masakit na naman ang pagbagsak...

Mahal na mahal kita. Sorry. Ako ang pahirap sa sitwasyon natin.
kitten posted @ 5:48 PM |



I miss you... I really, really miss you... I friggin' miss you so much that I can't do anything but think of you. kcuF. I am once again wasting away...

Tomorrow, the first thing I'm going to do when I see you is hold you. It will be the last time I'll do it. Maybe after this stupid longing's gone I can finally le you go like you asked...

Ayoko na rin... Hindi na nakakatawa... Kapag pinagpatuloy ko pa ito, wala nang matitira sa'kin... Tama na. Salat na salat na ako...

I can't keep fighting for a cause that doesn't exist. Besides, I've always known I'll never win this battle. I was just stupid enough to want to try... :(


How long must I keep pretending not to love you?
Tell me, so that I can count down the days...


No more sunshine. Just skies of endless gray...
kitten posted @ 9:07 AM |



Currently listening to: Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

I had a good today. It is true, then, that when you've reached the bottom, there's no other way to go but up. Thank you, Lord! :)

Morning: I woke up late for Theory and Practical Music class. Haha. :) Anyway, I got to school on time. Yeahboi. :)

Theory class was great. Brief and great. HA.

Practical Music was great din. :) I've already semi-mastered the technique my teacher has been trying to teach me for a week now. Yeah! Better voice quality na ito. :) Joke lang. I still have to work on it, shempre, but at least I know I'm making progress.

Lunch: I ate at Julibag Katip. Wala lang, nakakamiss kasi ang buhay Katip. Anyway, sat next to a bunch of Ateneans. Ah, shusme! Pinag-uusapan ang UP. Kakaiba daw ang mga tao sa UP. Weird ang system. Blah, blah, blah. Ah, shusme, sino nagbigay sa inyo ng karapatan na awayin ang UP at mga tao rito? Di porket di kayo bahagi ng aming paaralan eh maaari niyo nang lait-laitin ang State University.

We are the cream of the crop [as in yung tinatanim ng magsasaka. Pang-masa kame eh.]. You guys are the cream of the elite. We're equal. Leave us alone.

Pero okay lang, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Naisip ko kasi... Not all Ateneans are like that. Scratch that. Ateneans are not like that at all. People like Cel Franco, Sam Nunez, Amanda Gumila, Katrina Tan, Mich Bolivar and Nica Manzon [my lists goes on forever...] are living proof na Ateneans are good. Nakakalungkot. I had to meet a bunch of Ateneans who thought they were better than everyone else... :( And to think they were freshmen. Ew.

Afternoon: So after the Julibag incident, I went to school for LTS. Wah. Walang LTS. Yan naman ang sinasabi ko! There's a rally somewhere in Ayala and most of our professors were there and, in effect, no classes. Yeah! Ang sarap ng buhay sa UP. :) Joke lang yun. :)

Post-class: Cat and I hung out at Gonuts for a while. :) Dapat ay mangangahas akong uminom ng Iced Tea nilang lasang sampaloc juice, pero... :) I chickened out. Ew kasi eh. :) Hindi mo mawari ang lasa. *gags*

Kitten: Gusto ko ng iced tea ng Gonuts.
Cat: Ha?
Kitten: Weird noh?
Cat: Bakit? Masarap ba? *wide grin*
Kitten: Hindi. *giggles*
Cat: E bakit gusto mo? *giggles*
Kitten: Wala. Parang gusto kong tumawa. *laughs out loud*
Cat: Ah. Gusto mong maglaro tayo! *laughs out loud*

Shitness... Oo nga. Gusto ko maglaro. Lately, sobrang ICU ng buhay ko.

[Pag sinabi kong ICU, ang ibig kong sabihin ay siryoso. Hindi naman kasi nagsasaya ang mga taong nasa ICU diba? Parang ang lalim ng iniisip nila lagi.]

Gusto ko maglaro

.
I wanna feel the wind brush against me. I wanna sweat like hell under the sun and run around. I wanna get dirt all over my hands and not care. I wanna run out of breath and laugh my head off. I wanna be a kid again.

I wanna leave my problems behind

.

Be my playmate? :) [Just tag me. I'll tag back, I promise... And our game can go on forever...]

Today's realization: Masaya ako kasi hindi ko nakita si *toot*.

Ibig ko sabihin, tuwing nakikita ko siya, naaalala ko lahat lahat ng mga problema ko [na dulot niya, by the way]. Dahil hindi ko siya nakita, nakalimutan ko na ang mga leche kong problema. :)

Kaya lang bukas, magkikita na kaming muli. :(

Please, Lord. Let this happiness last...

I just want to be happy YOU to make me happy YOU to be happy happiness.

[whatever that means...]
kitten posted @ 8:04 AM |



Shit. This pain is consuming me. I scare myself. kcuF

First essay after forever... :)

Heart vs. Mind
Is it mind over heart? Or heart over mind?

One thing that'll clear everything up: No such thing as a "heart". O sige na nga. No such thing as a thinking, aching, breaking heart.

There should no longer be a debate. It's not mind over heart or vice versa. It's just mind, mind and mind. Have I said mind? :)

Wow noh? And to hear this from a romantic! :P But seriously, if there's one thing I've learned from Friday, it's that everything is rational. Everything can be explained, believe me. It's just that some reasons are beyond us. In short, just because we don't know what the explanations are doesn't mean the explanations don't exist.

Love is just a question of "What is more important: your happiness or mine?" Everything revolves around that.

Selfless
Your partner's happiness is more important than yours. You don't care even if that happiness takes you out of the equation, or if it asks that you give up your band, or if it ultimately makes you unhappy. What is important is that your partner is happy.

Heart over mind? Nah. Others before me lang.

Selfish
Your happiness is more important than your partner's. You can't afford to change your plans for the future, or break your promise that you'll be single til you're forty, or give up one and a half hour of your study time to hang out with that person. You can't sacrifice your happiness for a freak like that. If he can't take it, he can leave.

Mind over heart? Nah. Me before others lang.


See the diff? Both are rational, but they regard the two things [i.e. self and others] differently, and that we cannot debate about. :)

Significance: The next time someone tells you "Hindi mo kasi ginagamit ang isip mo kaya ka nasasaktan!", aba, patayan na! LOL. You know what to tell them...

"It's not that I'm not using my head. I'm using it, but for someone else's benefit for a change."

Mabuhay ang mga tanga masarap magmahal! :)


PS You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You never noticed how much I loved you

Please don't take my sunshine away...

PPS Mahal na mahal kita, pero kung talagang hindi natin maaring bigyan ng pagkakataon ang sarili nating magkasama, hayaan mo akong mahalin ka, kahit sa malayo lang. Hindi ko na lang ipapaalam sa'yo. Wag mong hilingin sa'kin na hindi ka mahalin. Hinding-hindi ko maloloko ang sarili ko...
kitten posted @ 8:13 AM |



Ever had the feeling when everything is just going wrong in your life? Shit.

Can I just say na I'm super mad at *toot*. As in I'm really, really mad and I like wanna strangle *toot*. But you know what? The moment I saw *toot* walking past, wala pa man shang sinasabi sa'kin napatawad ko na sha. Fuck. Whatthehell has happened to pride? To my pride? And you know what? I get hurt again. Sobra. Yung tipong... tragis. Ako lang yung naglolong... Ako lang yung nahihirapan... Ako lang yung halos wala ng magawa sa kakaisip sa kung ano na kayang mangyayari, kung babalik pa kaya ang dati... I can't help but feel like I'm on the losing end... Know what? I think I am. I always have been. :(

Nasira pa ang tragis kong telepono. Shit naman. People reach me through my sun and what happens? My friggin' N5510 gets broken. And I just loaded new songs! :( Hiay. Things can't possible get worse. Or can they? Life is funny. Ha.

My best friend and I fought. Great. The only person I can confide all my pains to manages to have a conflict with me. Thank you naman. So ano? Talagang gusto niyo na ako mamatay?! :'(

Then I feel this need to go to church. Walang church. :( Pati ba naman si God e hindi ko pwedeng makasama?! :( Sha na nga lang ang nag-iisang [tao] na nakakaintindi at nagmamahal ng totoo sa'kin tas... *sigh* di ko pa sha makasama... :( Tragis.

Life's a bitch...















I can be bitchier.

PS Pain can be addictive. Don't ask why. Trust me. You won't be able to handle it if I told you.
kitten posted @ 8:42 AM |

Happy birthday Patchuchay!!!

Another one of my friends has turned into the big 1-8. :) Congratulations. You are now legal. LOL.

She was sooo pretty yesterday. No, not pretty. Beautiful. Inside and out! Wow...

The celebration wasn't big, just a few friends gathered together in a villa. But if you went there, you'd understand me when I say I went for the company.

I saw Carl today! [Yebah! :)] It was wonderful seeing him again. Hirap maging cluster head noh? Waha. :) And even if we only spoke for a while, it was enough to remind me that he is and always will be my Kuya. Mahal na mahal ko talaga yung si Carl. He can make me laugh and smile even at the saddest times. :)

I also hung out with people like Ate Vea, Ate Vanny and of course Wynn. :) Nakakamiss pala ang YFC folks. :) They are the sweetest, nicest people in the world. :)

Segway! :)

We were in the pool and this kid was hanging out with us. We didn't mind coz he was one of the guests. After a while, most of the people got out of the water because it was getting late, but we stayed. Then this kid asks me "Ate, bakit ang ganda mo?" Wow. Pumapalakpak ang tenga ko. :) I managed to say "Ha?" And then he goes "Kamukha mo si Judy Ann Santos." Tragis. Tragis talaga. Ang dami-dami kong pwede maging kamukha, si Judy Ann Santos pa. Tragis talaga. I started swimming away kasi shempre nainsulto naman ako. Pero may pahabol pa siya "Bagay kayo ni Piolo." Pfft. Kid, get away. My bubble is about to burst. You don' want to see it... LOL.

Did I mention that the party was a suprise for Pat? Wow noh? She came there not knowing that she was going to have all that Roses, Candles and Treasures shit. :) Last night will really be one of the most memorable days of her life. :)

change topic
I did something last night that I haven't done in a while. It felt good and scary and painful, but I liked it.

It was good because all my pains finally had release. It's like I've been waiting four long years for this to happen. This is what breaking away is all about...

It was scary because I had really made up my mind to do it. I really wanted to do it. And God, I liked doing it. I had stopped doing it and I had spent four years unlearning how to do it but in a single instant, I learned how do it again. I was victorious. Then again, I'm not.

It was and still is painful. I don't think I've ever cut myself this deep before. What's funny is that I was scared [though not of dying] I'd get blood all over my shirt. In case I didn't die, I didn't want to have to clean the mess up.

The physical pain is just an excuse for the tears, but it is nothing like what I feel inside...
kitten posted @ 11:37 PM |

"There are things in oblivion
that do not fade...
Loving is my life...
Every moment with you is worth keeping..."

"The times when we stare at each other's eyes -
Chances you gave me showing that you're nice...
Your hand I always hold,
So soft, smooth, wam yet cold..."

"...it reminds me how close I am to you,
That, somehow, we'll get closer and I won't ever let you go...
I'll be stupid then, if I ever let you do so..."

I cried last night, even if I vowed never to cry because of you again. I am hurting because I know the words above will never be for me, and even if I do know this, my heart is still wants to be loved by you.

I couldn't sleep until the hours of the morning... All I could think of was what you said:

"Ayokong mainlove siya sa'kin. Sasaktan ko lang siya. Ayokong mahulog para sa kaniya. Di ako marunong magmahal. Utak ang ginagamit ko. Gusto ko siya maging kaibigan. Ayoko siya paiyakin..."

Tss. I can't believe you don't realize how what you said only showed how much you already loved the person, and this only hurt me more...

I argued with you, saying that you can't tell your heart to stop loving someone, but you insisted that it was possible, and I gave in... :(

I couldn't help but wish it were me you we're talking about... Then maybe I could tell you that the pain wouldn't matter as long as you love me and I love you... Then maybe I could show you how truly powerful love is... Then maybe I could take away all your doubts about this love... Then... Maybe... Maybe I... Maybe...

Funny how that's all it'll ever be - Maybe....

I told you that maybe you could give yourselves a chance to be together, you and your beloved. Your feelings are mutual after all, and we both knew that. But your mind was made up. A relationship was out of the question.

An intellectual genius is a fool in love. That's what you are. And I am one [though I am not an intellectual genius. :P] for loving you the way I do.

*headdesk* I am such an idiot. An idiot of the worst kind. That is, the kind that can't take a hint. *toot* doesn't want me, I know. But... I want... *sigh*

"Bakit masakit magmahal ng isang kaibigan? Kasi kahit nakakasama mo siya, nakakausap, nakakatawanan, di pa rin maiwasan na kung pag-ibig ang usapan, iba ang binabanggit niyang pangalan..."

kitten posted @ 7:34 PM |



Wah. Run down of events. Sorry, I'm kinda in a hurry to finish this. Blah. My dad's watching eh. Yoko pa kasi matulog.=P

• No PE!!! Yeah. :) Then again, boo. Labo. I was actually excited to have PE and there ya go: NO PE. Argh. But I guess it's a little okay. The PE people and I just played patintero. Waha. It was really fun, and then the sun got to us so we stopped. We walked to Rob for lunch.


• Wah. I was asking Rhoda and Carla May Badi [She's one of the few people who have the honor of being called by their whole names. =P] to take me to PCU. Wah. I wanted to see if my ex boyfriend was really going to school again. Not that I didn't trust him or anything like that. It was just that I needed to see for myself. But then again, they didn't want to take me. Argh. Bad trip kayo! Joke. =P Tapos...
  I saw him in Rob! Wah. Shit. I just ate lunch and we were on our way to Bench to get Nolan a present and there he was. Walking alone on the third floor of Rob. Shit. I hit his tummy with my fan and I was literally looking at my shoes. I guess all he could see of me were my hair so he had to ask who I was [To those who don't know, my ex is like 6'1". Wah. He's sooo tall. I think you know why I said he only saw my hair.]. Nyaha. He was shocked to see me and stuff. Yeah-boi, recon na ito! Joke lang. =P Anyway, I wanted to introduce him to my oh-so-beloved blockmates, but he said he's rather that we just go ahead and so I said a few words to the guys and left with him. :) Alone time na ito. *wide grin* Wah. We walked around Rob for a while, talked about how he was and stuff. :) He didn't ask much about me. I think he pretty much could tell with the way I looked. Inaasar pa nga niya ako kasi ang skwating daw ng suot ko. Suri, PE kasi namin eh kaya talagang skwating ang suot. Tska, kelangan makibagay sa mga tao sa Maynila ng hindi basta-bastang naho-hold up. :) Wah. Know what? He's still so... cute. Damn. I couldn't believe how everything with us was just... over. And with a guy like him! Shit. He was so clean and he smelled so good and... shit. Un na lang. Shit. He is still my dream man. :) After a while he had to go because his girlfriend wanted to see him. Blah. He couldn't take me because, well, we dn't want a fight now, do we? :P


• Nalulungkot ako kasi... *sigh* hindi ko alam kung anung meron, pero parang... biglang nag-iba lahat... Yung tipong may galit, pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sha nagagalit... Eh. Basta. Sabi ni best nagseselos daw. E kanino naman? Tska grow-up. Past is past. *sigh* Sana di sha galit... Maiiyak ako...


• Can you say buking? B-U-K-I-N-G. That's me. Shit. *headdeask* I can be very, very stupid. *headdesk* Here's why. *toot* saw *toot*'s name scribbled on my pad paper. Shit. It was a good thing it was an ambigram. =P I just flipped the damn thing over and said "Di yan *toot* noh. Kitten yan." Whew. Nakakahiya naman ito. As in. Thank god for my unreasonable love for ambigrams. =P


• First day of Debate Circle screenings. Wah. I feel like stopping right here. I scored a 6 out of a possible 10 in the first activity. Blah. Can you say bad luck?! :( It's not the number that hurts... It's the thought that I know I could have done better, but didn't. Shit. I feel really bad. I bet my friends scored eights, nines and tens. Blah. Hate this. Went home late for that pa naman and then I get a 6. So much for compensation.


• This text really made my day:

  "You can make anyone fall for you! Sobrang dali mong mahalin..."

  Thanks best friend. You really are one. *hug* Pero alam mo, yoko na shang gustuhin or whathaveyou. I want to stop it here... Basta. You wouldn't understand it...

kitten posted @ 9:50 AM |

"Forgetting about you is like forgtting how to breathe. I've grown so used to you and so dependent on you that I don't know if I can forget about you. But I'll forget you eventually... after I've forgotten how to breathe."

I hate this. Please, let's stop it. The pain is just too much... If you want to leave, then do. Don't make me choose for the both of us. I am just half of what used to be... *sigh* US. And please, don't make it any harder for me... I've lost you already. That's torture enough...

I have lost everything, including my chance of ever being with you again. But I want to be happy. I might just be happy. Don't ruin it for me.

"Hanap ka, at umaasa pang sana'y muling makapiling ka. At hindi na maaalis ang nadarama at ipinagdarasal na sana'y magbalik... Wala nang mahihiling pa, kung maaari pang muling makapiling ka..."

PS They say happiness is a choice, but there are times when it's not even an option.
kitten posted @ 3:39 AM |



I am the number one evader of questions.

God, nagagalit na ang best friend ko dahil iwas ako ng iwas sa pagsagot ng mga tanong niya. Nasermonan pa tuloy ako. :P Whoohoo, palibhasa kasi ay buo na ang loob niya na mahal niya yung nililigawan niya. Suntukin ko sha jan eh. LOL.

I don't think I'm ready to answer whether I like or love *toot*. I mean, it's not like, you know, anything'll happen if I decide. We are just friends, after all. Langya, ang sakit sakit marinig nun. Pero totoo kasi eh... Bad trip.

But my best friend was right when she said that I should decide so that my feelings won't be squiggly lines but straight, defined lines. In short, she wants me to know exactly where this is going. She said that I have already lost so much for this [She's right, btw]. I better figure out whether it's worth it and, if it's not, turn around while I still can. *sigh*

change topic
Alam na ata niya eh. Shit. Wala na akong dignidad... :( *prays* Please Lord, wag naman...

Shout-outs:
Rio: I miss you too! *huggie* Hope you're enjoying life in UST. :)
Ia: I trust you, honey. Don't go telling people about *toot*, okay? Things are already bad enough as they are. Alam na ata niya eh. Tragis yan.
Nolan: Chill? Freeze na lang. :P I'm about to throw a BF! Alam na niya! Alam na niya, pero ako at si Doms lang ang nagsabi. :)
kitten posted @ 10:46 PM |