Lemme start by saying:

Damn, it's hot!

And it really is. :( It's not even summer and the temperature's crazy! As my dear little cousin describes it: steaming. It's time to bring out the skirts and keep all the coats - summer is finally here. :D (Pero, hell, ang init talaga. As in. Mainit. It's not even funny. Pero sa lib malamig, kaya dito na lang ako tumatambay. Libre na, may knowledge ka pa. LOL.)

More good news: I got my Globe back. YEY! So all you guys can text me again. :D Nanghihinayang parin ako, tsk, bibili ako dapat ng bagong cellphone... (Just can't get over it.)

On the other side of the news, I hate my cousin. She's got me seething. Nagngingit-ngit yata yun sa Tagalog. Anyway, here's what happened.

She calls me at around 4pm on Sunday, screaming. Apparently, she was just fooling around with a guy just then. So... they were, uh, getting it on, (Ugh. I just hate her.) and the guy's phone rings. He picks up the phone and starts speaking in Spanish. Thing is, my cousin is pretty fluent in Spanish since she's been with a lot of Spanish guys. Anyway, she hears him calling the person Babe [Honestly, Babe kinda reminds me of the pig. Segway lang.] and she starts asking the guy "Who the f*ck you calling babe?!" And the guy's like "It's my mom. It's my mom." My cousin's not a little idiot, although heaven knows she acts like one 85% of the time, and she knows it's not his mom. So what she did was, and this got me really annoyed, she grabbed the phone and talked to the person on the line. And she goes "Who's this?" And the person on the line goes "It's ****'s girlfriend." And my cousin goes "Well, your little boyfriend's been cheating on you. He's here at my house and he was just ****** me *** when you f*cking interrupted." And the girl on the line starts crying... so she hands the phone back to the guy and the guy's mad crazy at my cousin. He's like "Oh, you ho... I don't want to see your ass no more... You messed it up. I've been with that girl for five years... blah, blah, blah." And my cousin's like "Well then, get out of my house." and she kicks him out.

I hate my cousin. She's a such a... a... a ho. I mean, what was she thinking messing around like that with a guy who has a girlfriend? And she shouldn't even be messing around like that at her parent's house! And what is she so upset about anyway? What happened should have happened, and it serves her right that it did. Why did she have to call me? I don't have anything to say to her! God. I hate her. :(

You might be thinking I don't have the right to say these things about my cousin, but I do. See, her parents want me to hang around her so that she'd be, ahem, more like me. I don't know what they were thinking saying something like that. But I guess it comes down to this: between me and my cousin, I am tamer. So... Tska mas matanda daw ako and I grew up in the Philippines (Since when was that an edge? I always thought that was a diadvantage...) and blah, blah, blah... Whatever. She's just... ugh. Irresponsible. :(

Anyway, Benjie's birthday is coming up... It's next week and my cousin and I were thinking about throwing him a party. Well, not really. More like a kick-back. It'll be just us four (Angel, Benjie, Rache and me) plus Manito and his brothers, and Angel's sisters, and Benjie's brothers and sisters... So that's around twenty. :D (Dame nila noh? Haha.) But I kinda don't want to... I mean, I don't want to see him. Not on his birthday. And I don't want to be the one to throw him a party. It sends a message I really don't like: I like you. Not that I don't like him, coz I do. I just think we're better off not seeing each other. And Angel will start reminding me of how I lead Benjie on and stuff. *widens eyes* Not my thing. Then again if I were invited to his party I'd probably go. Can you imagine being in a party with Puerto Rican guys? It'll be one hell of a crazy party! Who can say no to that? LOL. But I'm not throwing him a party. It's just... wrong.

*sigh* Nakakapagod din mag-blog ah. Nauubos ang powers ko. :P
kitten posted @ 10:41 AM |



Ayun. Andito nanaman ako sa library kasi meron akong rave. :D

May magbubukas na Red Ribbon dito sa Jersey City! At walking distance lang sa bahay namin. Well, come to think of it, everything is walking distance from where we live. :D Eh basta. May mag-oopen na Red Ribbon dito! Yay! More Filipinos. :D Actually, kaya ako nandito sa lib kasi pinadala ko yung resume ko sa human resources department. :D Wala lang... para masubukan ko naman magtrabaho sa food... place... thingy. Whatever. :D Anyway, ayaw ng lola ko... pero wala naman siyang magawa...

Sana matanggap ako. Nababagot na ako sa bahay eh... :P

*sigh* I'm still cut off from the world... Have. To. Get. My. Globe... Back. *faints*

Shout-outs:

Gaby: Who's Caramel? Sorry. Currently suffering from memory loss. *sings* Not enough vitamins... LOL. Hey, hun, when do your classes start? Yikee. ADMU. :D Ngek. Sino kayang nasa ADMU? Double ngek. La lang. :D Forgive me. I'm bored out of my wits. September is so far away... :(

Curious: Wah. Di talaga tayo magka-tugma. :( Ngayon naman wala na akong globe. :( Argh!!!
kitten posted @ 2:35 PM |

Colorblind

by Counting Crows

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
Taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine

---------------
So ayan... Obvious bang depressed ako? Well. Kung hindi, depressed ako. Paano, ilang linggo na akong walang tulog... Niloloko nga ako nung mga kamag-anak ko na may nag-iisip daw sa'kin... SA PILIPINAS! Uh, hello? May buhay sila... I'm sure they're doing something more important that thinking about someone far, far away... Eto pa, naputulan na ako ng Globe. Ayan. Karma. Palibhasa, wala talaga akong balak bayaran yung bill. Hindi naman totally wala, kaya lang... mas uunahin ko sana yung pagbili ng bagong cellphone. Napurnada ang mga plano ko. Karma... there is just no other way to describe what has happened. My apologies to the people who are trying to reach me through text... I'm so sorry. My line got cut. But I promise to get it back as soon as possible. :D I'm just looking for the nearest Western Union, para maipadala ko sa tita ko nang mabayran na ang lintik kong bill.

But if there's any reason to celebrate, and I mean this, it's Katharine McPhee's NOT winning the A.I. title. C'mon. Who wants a hippo-witch-ShouldHaveBeenEliminatedYearsAgo for a winner anyway? (I still haven't gotten over the fact that Chris got eliminated and she didn't. And she knows she should have been eliminated. Ugh. Hate her!) Certainly not me... and I read the cards wrong... I thought she would win. Just like I thought there was no way Chris would be eliminated from A.I. For once in my life, I'm glad I was wrong. Anyway, I was dying to see a guy win this time. No offense. I think girls are fabulous musicians. But guys are too! I mean... Most of the people I know (personally and otherwise) who are great, simply fantabulous musicians are guys. They're just... cut-out for it, you know? And more importantly: Let's give the weaker sex a chance to redeem themselves, okay? They're really not that bad. :D

So... everyone here is complaining since Taylor didn't give a goose-bumpy performance when he sang his single, but whattheheck. The guy deserves it. I mean, he's prematurely gray, he's OLD, and he's really not that gorgeous. If something has to go right in his life, it's this. :D *gives Taylor a pat on the back* Thanks for beating that bitch McPhee. :D Chris should have won though. My brother and I had our money on him. :P I dunno. it's just so wrong to see someone else win. It's like... Constantine/Bo Reloaded. :P

*sigh* I want to go home... Pasukan na... Bumabalik nanaman yung voices sa ulo ko saying Whattheheck are you doing here? The people here don't need you! And I know it's true. I mean, sure they have problems - health problems... They're not really worried about poverty or hunger. Or even if they are - which I think they are a little bit - the Philippines is even more so... We have poverty and corruption and ineducation to think about. God sure has a different way of unfolding His plans... Still don't know what I'm doing here... Still don't know how to come home.

One word.




Stuck.
kitten posted @ 11:13 AM |



... But soon I understood what he wanted. He wished to make sure that I had not a trace of affectation. And when I understood this I was really quite free from affectation in the clothes I wore, or the arrangement of my hair, or my movements; but a very obvious form of affectation took its place - an affectation of simplicity, at a time when I could not yet be really simple. That he loved me, I knew; but I did not yet ask myself whether he loved me as a child or as a woman. I valued his love; I felt that he thought me better that all other young women in the world, and I could not help wishing him to go on being deceived about me. Without wishing to deceive him, I did deceive him, and I became better myself while deceiving him... And every thought was his thought, and every feeling was his feeling. I did not know yet that this was love...

"Why are you going?" I asked, significantly, deliberately, and looking straight at him.
He did not answer at once.
"Business!" he muttered at last and dropped his eyes.
I realized how difficult he found it to lie to me, and in reply to such a frank question.
"Listen," I said; "you know what to-day is to me, how important for many reasons. If I question you, it is not to show an interest in your doings (you know that I have become intimate with you and fond of you) - I ask you this question, because I must know the answer. Why are you going?"
"It is very hard for me to tell you the true reason," he said. "During this week I have thought much about you and about myself, and have decided that I must go. You understand why; and if you care for me, you will ask no questions." He put a hand to rub his forehead and cover his eyes. "I find it very difficult... But you will understand."
My heart began to beat fast.
"I cannot understand you," I said. "I cannot! you must tell me; in God's name and for he sake of this day tell me what you please, and I shall hear it with calmness," I said.
He changed his position and glanced at me, and again drew a lilac twig towards him.
"Well!" he said, after a short silence in a voice that tried in vain to seem steady, "it is a foolish business and impossible to put into words, and I feel the difficulty, but I will try to explain it to you," he added, frowning as if in bodily pain.
"Well?" I said.
"Just imagine the existence of a man - let us call him A - who has left youth far behind, and of a woman whom we may call B, who is young and happy and has seen nothing as yet of life or of the world. Family circumstances of various kinds brought them together, and he grew to love her as a daughter, and had no fear that this love would change its nature."
He stopped, but I did not interrupt him.
"But he forgot that B was so young, that life was still a May-game to her," he went on with a sudden swiftness and determination and without looking at me, "and that it was easy to fall in love with her in a different way, and that this would amuse her. He made a mistake and was suddenly aware of another feeling, as heavy as remorse, making its way into his heart, and he was afraid. He was afraid that their old friendly relations wold be destroyed, and he made up his mind to go away before that happened." As he said this, he began again to rub his eyes, with a pretence of indifference, and close to them.
"Why was he afraid to love differently?" I asked very low; but I restrained my emotion and spoke in an even voice. He evidently thought that I was not serious; for he answered as if he were hurt.
"You are young, and I am not young. You want amusement, and I want something different. Amuse yourself, if you like, but not with me. If you do, I shall take it seriously; and then I shall be unhappy, and you will repent. That is what A said," he added; "however, this is all nonsense; but you understand why I am going. And don't let us continue this conversation. Please not!"
"No! no!" I said "we must continue it," and tears began to tremble in my voice. "Did he love her, or not?"
He did not answer.
"If he did not love her, why did he treat her as a child and pretend to her?" I asked.
"Yes, A behaved badly," he interrupted me quickly; "but it all came to an end and they parted friends."
"This is horrible! Is there no other ending?" I said with a great effort, and then felt afraid of what I had said.
"Yes, there is," he said, showing a face full of emotion and looking straight at me. "There are two different endings. But, for God's sake, listen to me quietly and don't interrupt. Some say," - here he stood up and smiled with a smile that was heavy with pain - "some say that A went off his head, fell passionately in love with B, and told her so. But she only laughed. To her it was all a jest, but to him a matter of life and death."
I shuddered and tried to interrupt him - tried to say that he must not dare to speak for me; but he checked me, laying his hand on mine.
"Wait!" he said, and his voice shook. "The other story is that she took pity on him, and fancied, poor child, from her ignorance of the world, that she really could love him, and so consented to be his wife. And he, in his madness, believed it - believed that his whole life could begin anew; but she saw herself that she had deceived him and that he had deceived her... But let us drop the subject finally," he ended, clearly unable to say more; and them he began to walk up and down in silence before me.
Though he had asked that the subject be dropped, I saw that his whole soul was hanging on my answer. I tried to speak, but that pain at my heart kept me dumb. I glanced at him - he was pale and his lower lip trembled. I felt sorry for him. With a sudden effort I broke the bonds of silence which had held me fast, and began to speak in a low inward voice, which I feared would break every moment.
"There is a third ending to the story," I said, and then paused, but he said nothing, "the third ending is that he did not love her, but hurt her, hurt her, and thought that he was right; and he left her and was actually proud of himself. You have been pretending, not I; I have loved you since the first day we met, loved you," I repeated, and at the word "loved" my low inward voice changed, without intention of mine, to a wild cry which frightened me myself.
He stood pale before me, his lip trembled more and more violently, and two tears came out upon his cheeks.
"It is wrong!" I almost screamed, feeling that I was choking with angry unshed tears. "Why do you do it?" I cried, and got up to leave him.
But he would not let me go. His head was resting on my knees, his lips were kissing my still trembling hands, and his tears were wetting them. "my God! if I had only known!" he whispered.
"Why? why?" I kept on repeating, but in my heart there was happiness, happiness which had now come back, after so nearly departing forever.
Five minutes later Sonya was rushing upstairs to Katya and proclaiming all over the house that Masha intended to marry Serey Mikhaylych...

*sigh* Tolstoy... I recommend that you read Family Happiness It's really good. Although I have a slightly different idea of what good is. :D Click here if you want to read it.

PS Happy birthday sa blog ko! :D
kitten posted @ 12:05 PM |



Ayan. Andito ako sa library... pulubi kasi ako at walang sariling computer. :( Haha.

Kagagaling ko lang sa post office, minail ko ang aking dakilang transcript ng makapasok na ako ng paaralan... Nababato na rin kasi ako sa bahay. At shempre, gusto ko na magtrabaho ng makalayas na sa peste kong pamilya. (They're not that bad, kaya lang minsan... eh... basta.)

So... bibili ako ng bagong cellphone. :D Kaya lang dahil pulubi ako, pangit pa ang mabibili kong telepono. Ginastos ko na kasi ang mga kinita ko nung nagtatrabaho pa ako. :D Nakakatawa at nakakainis. :D Pero something is ALWAYS better than nothing so... bibili ako ng bagong cellphone. :D

Speaking of cellphone, ang mahal na ng bill ko sa Globe. Palibhasa, tatlong bwan na akong di nagbabayad ng bill. Eh, compounded yung interest. Tuloy. 7 plus na ang bill ko at, dahil bibili ako ng cellphone, wala akong pambayad. Ninanag na nga ako ng nanay ko na bayaran pero Vanity first. What's the point of being a girl when you can't be superficial once in a while? *wide grin*

*balik sa kwento mode* Birthday nung great aunt ko (anu ba sa tagalog yun?) nung sabado. At umarya nanaman ang pagkalampa ko. Sinisisi ko ang bwisit kong sapatos. Aktwali sa nanay ko yun. Eh basta. bwisit yung sapatos. Ganto kasi yun...

Dumating kami sa bahay nila sa super layong Union ng mga alas tres ng hapon. Juzmio, dinner party yun eh so hinahanap ko ang aking dakilang pinsan nang may magawa naman habang wala pang tao. Sabi nila andun daw sha sa taas so ako naman si akyat ng stairs na so many times ko ng inakyat. Pag dating ko sa taas tulog siya. Or nanunuod ng friends. Di ko alam. Basta nakasara yung kwarto niya at naririnig ko ang boses ni Phoebe at ni Ross. So bababa na ako dahil anung gagawin ko sa hallway diba. Pag dating sa stairs... *step* *step* *step* *slip* Dug-dug-dug. *holds on to the whatchamacallit* Ow! Masakit yun ah. Ang sakit ng pwet ko. Ang sakit ng likod ko. Ganun pala ang pakiramdam ng mahulog sa hagdan. First time ko. At ang sakit. :(

So... inabot na kami ng gabi... nagkwentuhan at lahat na at oras na para umuwi. Sasakay na ako ng kotse (actually, SUV sha. Wala lang... Pag sinabi kasing kotse diba parang sedan yung pumapasok na picture sa head? Wala lang...) tapos... *step* *slip* Dug. Ow. Masakit yun ah. Humampas yung tuhod ko dun sa thingy. Ow.

The next day, pinasa ang likod, pwet at tuhod ko. Ohlordy. Hirap maging tanga... :(

Hay. Okay lang... nakausap ko naman si Greg. :D kilala niyo pa ba si Greg? Eh basta. Ayun. Nagka-alone time kami nung sabado. Kaya masakit man ang likod, pwet at tuhod ko, worth it. Ang gwapo ni Greg. Lalo na kasi naka-suit sha. *drools* I love it when guys are all dressed up. :D

*sigh* He's hot. And nice. And funny. :D We were talking about sucky pick up lines and I ask him what his favorite pick up line is and he goes Honey, I'm half-Filipino and half-Spanish, I don't need a damn pick up line. And he's right. He does't need one. :D

Ay! Alam niyo ba nung Friday merong nakatayo sa labas ng bahay namin na kalikod ni Jayar? Grabeh. Sobrang kinabahan ako. Kasi di sha umaalis. As in nakatayo lang siya sa may pinto namin. Di nagriring ng doorbell or whatever. Tiningnan nga ni Mommy, sabi niya, parang nga si Jayar. With the necklace and everything! So... Akala ko si Jayar na yun. Di. Pero... Kahit na alam kong hindi sha yun, bumilis parin yung tibok ng puso ko at nanlalamig yung mga kamay ko... Iba eh. Iba talaga... *blush* Pero di naman sha yun... Anu naman gagawin niya dito sa sucky Jersey City? :P

Ayan. Naubusan na ako ng kwento. At naubusan na rin ako ng time dito sa PC. Marami pang gagamit. So. TTFN. :D
kitten posted @ 11:17 AM |



Walong araw na lang at dalawang taon na ang aking pinakamamahal na blog! *sings* Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear blo-og! happy birthday to you!

Kapag sinwerte ako, ang regalo ko sa blog ko ay panibagong layout na hindi lame imitation ng layout ko ngayon. LOL.

Ayan. Ang saya ko... Dalawang taon na akong nagsusulat ng dito sa blog ko. Dalawang taon narin siguro akong walang magawang matino sa aking buhay ergo nagba-blog ako. Okay lang... Ganon talaga. :D

Nasabi ko na bang marunong ako mag-knit? Ayan. Spinster na spinster na talaga ako... Huhu. :(

Eh basta. Birthday na ng blog ko. :D
kitten posted @ 11:06 AM |



So... last night, before I went to bed, I saw the national address President Bush gave regarding illegal immigrants here in the U.S. Given, of course, that most of those immigrants he spoke of are Mexicans since they're the closest to the border. But the truth is, Mexicans are not the only illegal immigrants here. Napapanood niyo naman siguro sa TV ang buhay ng mga Pilipino dito diba?

If truth be told, I didn't understand everything he said. Basically everything harsh was sugarcoated that you might have missed it, and the truth, well, let's just say when he was talking about it, I wasn't listening. But I got what he was saying. They've had enough of illegal immigrants in their country... :(

Ngayon, naisip ko naman ang kawawa nating mga kababayan... Juzmio, million siguro ang dami ng TNT (tago-ng-tago) dito sa US. Kaya nakakalungkot. Lalo na hindi amnesty ang ginrant ni Bush. Yun pa naman ang hinihintay nila, para makalabas na sila at makakuha ng visa. *puts head in hands*

Sa totoo lang, our Filipino brothers and sisters who have gone through all the trouble to get here (even if it's illegally) were all out of options. Life in the Philippines is too hard and too harsh. They work their asses of for money that isn't enough to get them by. They work for people who don't give a shit about them. They work for people who'd rather hire an American trained person than them. (Whatever happened to preferential option for the poor?)So they put together all their money and come here to earn a living - one supposedly is so much better than what they left in the Philippines. But they get here and they don't have a working visa, their agency just scammed them for their money and *poof* the end of the Filipino dream. They stay here, because they can't afford to come home anymore, work for below minimum wage and realize that they were better off in Philippines after all. At least they had their family there.

*sighs*

Too many people are needy. Everybody's needy... and there's no one to help us out.
kitten posted @ 10:27 AM |



Sometimes, a day is just so bad, there isn't anything else you can do but cry.
kitten posted @ 5:29 PM |