I'm listening to several Punk Goes... albums. While I don't consider myself a punk, I do enjoy some of their songs, especially when they are rendered in acoustic and metal.

I think I give punk far less credit than it deserves. Some songs are just as melodic, poetic and indie-ish (for a lack of a better word) as most indie-emo stuff that I listen to. The only reason, I think, why I'm not as into punk as I am to indie-emo is the fact that punk's a little too close to screamo, which I don't appreciate either.

I am looking forward to the next Punk Goes Acoustic album, which, unfortunately, won't be coming out until May 8th. Like I said, I'm no punk, but since Daphne Loves Derby *heart* and The Spill Canvas *heart* will be contributing to the anthology, I am more than excited for it to come out.

---------------
Antagal ng Chinese na inorder ko. Antagal din ng mga kapatid ko.

Me + brothers + lost of time to kill = FUN.

---------------
I cut myself today. Accidentally! (I know what you were thinking. No, I didn't do it on purpose.)

It stings. It friggin hurts. I feel like I have a long, throbbing wound on my skin. Wait. I do.

So this is what pain non-self-inflicted pain feels like.

---------------
Listening to all this punk stuff has made me a little lonely for Jayar's company. Haha. I just went right out and said it like it was nothing! But honestly, it has made me lonely for his company...

You know that guy? He understood me. I think that says it all. He understood me.

Bleh. Anyway, he is still the only person who has managed to make me listen to punk. He would conveniently leave his cds on my pack. He would listen to his tracks while we were together and ignore the faces I made. He would turn the volume really low and make me sing the bass, lead or synth line. He recited the lyrics so that it came to life. He showed me the riffs, taught me how to recognize the best bands, and just... made punk a part of my life.

So, as I'm listening to all this punk bleh, I can't help but wish he was here with me. He understood music. And me.

----------------
I had a dream about Candy last night. Wala lang. I had a dream about Candy.

Labels: nonsense

kitten posted @ 12:29 PM |



It read: Blah, blah, blah, Harry Potter... Blah, blah, blah. Actually, it didn't read like that. But that's how it looked like to me. It is impossible to make sense of words strung together when Harry Potter is the subject. The name alone is enough to *sigh* stop all my thought processes. And though I don't consider myself to be a Harry Potter fan, I am an avid reader. I enjoy the books. So sue me.

Which brings me to my points: One, I still don't have the sixth Harry Potter book, which, if it interests you, came out two years ago and I have already read it THRICE, by the way. Two, the seventh and, alas, final book is coming out on July. It will be pricy, I'm sure, and your truly will be broke. Ah! Life and all it's pain.

Must. Get. Book.

---------------
If I see flaws in you, does that mean I don't love you?

And by the way you brought me here,
It makes me believe that the best is still yet to come,
And I don't want to leave...

The nights are forever and maybe I'm wrong,
but it feels like I'm so lost without you...

And the nights are forever, I can't get to sleep
Cause I know there's a reason I'm in this too deep
And I'm sure that without you, I'm giving it away.

~ Taken from Mae's Giving It Away

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 10:37 PM |



Jordan's in the ICU because of bronchitis. Please pray. She's only five.

Labels: shout-outs

kitten posted @ 10:21 PM |



It is amazing how much change can happen in an hour. You'd think that that if I lived through weeks and weeks of my friends trying to talk me out of leaving home, sixty minutes wouldn't make much of a difference. But I guess when it comes down to it, the little things are more life changing than the big ones.

I saw Blood Diamond today. I realized that some people have real, scary, life-threatening problems. And I'm out here trying to run away from my perfectly safe home, thinking that I'm better off somewhere, despite the fact that I might actually starve to death or worse... be reduced to something less than life.

I realized how I've stopped thinking about how I'm supposed to actualize my dream of becoming another woman president for the Philippines. I haven't gotten new ideas on how I'm supposed to make that change I want to effect on the world. All I've been wanting to change is my life.

I feel bad. I've stopped caring. And I always thought that's what set me apart from everybody else. A lot of people want to go into politics, but not all of them want to because they actually care.

And so I won't leave home. I have dreams. And this is the way that has been paved. I must sit through awfully uncomfortable conversations with my family; I must live by the house-rules; I must be the obedient, pride-and-joy-type of daughter they expect me to be. It is the way. It is the only way.

I want change. There is hope for the world yet. In the words of our Katipuneros Kung hindi ako, sino? Kung hindi ngayon, kailan?

Nothing wonderful is ever easy.

I want to change lives. And if I leave, I will change nothing but my life, and when I die, the world would be the same sad place. The world could be so much more beautiful than we are allowing it to be.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 11:35 PM |



The question is not whether I can survive. It's whether I can survive for long.

Opportunity has presented itself to me. I will not lie - I will grab it. But before I do, there are things I need to run through, like the question of whether I can actually survive for long by myself. It's more than a financial question. Sabi ko nga kay Mai, If I move out, I want it to be for good. I need to find a new job because without one, I'll finish off my finances and end up coming home. I don't want to come home with my tail between my legs. I'll move out to prove them wrong, not otherwise. More than a question of money, it is a question of pride. And I am proud. Proud. PROUD.

---------------
Ralph's burps smelled like shampoo a while ago. I never thought people actually try to kill themselves by drinking, er, hair products. It's probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever had to deal with. LOL But I sympathize with the poor man. We all have our bad days, but some of us have a bad life altogether. :(

Hey, Ralph, if you need somebody to slit your wrists, call me! I'd be more than happy to put you out of your misery. Please, no more shampoo. Okay? God.

This reminds me of a girl my aunt told me about.

Yung tita ko kasi, sa ospital nagtatrabaho. Ngayon, minsan sa shift niya, nandun siya sa ER, nagtitingin ng pasyenter. Tapos may nakita siyang babae, namumutla. So nilapitan niya. Sabi nung kasama nun babae, di daw matigil sa pagsuka yung babae kasi nagtry magpakamatay yung babae kaya nagpunta sila sa hospital.

So yung tita ko naman, tiningnan kung uminom ba ng rat poison or what. Eh hindi. Tapos suka talaga ng suka yung babae. Kaso, wala namang solids na nilalabas yung babae. Puro liquid lang.

Nung napalapit yung tita ko, naamoy niya yung hininga nung babae. Tapos inamoy niya ulit. Teka lang. Amoy Baby Bench hininga mo ah. sabi niya. Hindi kumibo yung babae.

Punyeta. Wag mo sabihing uminom ka ng pabango. sabi nun tita ko. Tapos nangilid daw yung luha nung babae. Tawang-tawa daw yung tita ko. Actually, pag naaalala ko, natatawa din ako.

Anyway, pi-nump nila yung stomach nung girl. Kawawa naman. Tapos habang pinu-pump nila yung stomach, as in subo-subo pa nung girl yung tube and everything, sabi nung tita ko, Ilan bang gallon ang ininom mo? sabay hagalpak. Kahit ilang litro pa ang inumin mo, hindi ka mamamatay sa pabango, punyeta.

Oo nga naman. Kahit nga naman ilang litro pa ng Baby Bench ang inumin niya eh hindi siya mamamatay. Malas lang.

I guess today's moral lesson is to stay away from personal care products when you are feeling suicidal. They will not aid in your death. You'll just feel stupid afterwards.

---------------
You know how some people commit suicide because they are failures? And you know how some people live through their attempts? It's like the world is telling you, You're such a failure, you can't even succeed at killing yourself.

It is sad to want to die and have to keep living.

Labels: stories, thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:42 PM |



I think we made an important break through today. I'm not really sure. But here's the thing, I've been saying that I love Lilo like a teddy, and I've been saying it a lot. Of course, I don't really mean it the way other people think I do. I don't want it - these, erm, realtionships, are they?- to be the intricate web it becomes when serious feelings get involved. (Yes, I know what you're thinking, I do have relationship issues.) So, I would love, love, LOVE to keep this simple and fun, almost platonic. Anyway, on with the story.

I was washing my hands (A habit I've developed since I started handling food.) near the halo-halo station when Lilo walked towards me, holding a cake in his hands.

Susulatan yan? I asked him.

I love you. he told me. I assumed that's what the customer wanted me to write on his cake.

I love you? I surprisingly asked him.

Oo. I love you. he told me again.

Sigurado ka? I asked him, raising my eyebrows.

Oo. Sigurado ako. I love you.

I frowned. Not that I didn't believe him. Not that people don't ask to write I love yous on their cake. But I just had to be sure.

Mai, I love you ba ang pinapasulat mo dito sa cake? I hollered from quite a distance.

Ha? Hindi. Teka. Wala pang sinasabi yung customer eh.

I looked at Lilo. Sabi mo I love you.

Bakit? he said jokingly. And smiled at me...

Kuya Eric thinks Lilo's trying to tell me something. Mai thinks it's... *sings* Kapag tumibok ang puso. and Frank says it *sing* Da-nanam-da-nam, da-nanam-da-nam. Da-nanam-da-nam, da-na-nam. (Shempre and boyfriend ay major kampi sa girlfriend niya, diba.) Jen thinks it's Haba ng hair ng lola mo. And me? I don't know what to think.

Basta. Kilig. *blush*

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 9:23 PM |



Important realization of the day:

When I get scabs - and I get them all the time - I peel them off and scratch the "wound" part and I don't stop until I feel that I have a new wound.

I realized this because as I sit typing this entry, I am looking at a small pile of ex-scabs on my computer desk. I am disgusting, I know. But it is because I recognize this as a nasty habit that I trust that I can be saved from myself.

But what's interesting is that this nasty scab-peeling habit does not only apply to my physical wounds. I've lost count on how many times I've laid in my own misery for things that should have long been buried in the past. I find that I can't forgive myself for letting things get out of control, even if they were never in my control to begin with.

I can't let go. I can't leave things alone. I refuse to let time take care of things. That is why my wounds won't heal, and that is why I get new wounds.

I am a scab-peeler.

Are you a scab-peeler too? :(

---------------
They say everything happens for a reason.

You know how Mai's family won $50,000 from the scratch-lottery thing? They didn't need the money then, but they need it now. Her dad got laid off from work. Her mom was diagnosed for osteoporosis. They need to pay the lawyer who took care of her brother's case. (He was killed in a shooting which was sparked by *sigh* a game of pool.)

I held her a while ago as she cried. She seemed so small to me then. And the force that gave them money, the same force that is taking the money away now, seemed larger than the both of us. I held her for a long time, my shirt wet from her tears, my arms aching from the hug I was giving her. I had nothing to say to her except: everything happens for a reason.

It's eerie. Makes you sad and thankful at the same time.

What you don't have, you don't need it now.

For all the things I am not and for all the things I don't have, I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful.

*sigh*

Labels: me, thoughts

kitten posted @ 11:24 PM |



I'm so fucking shaken. God.

Alam niyo ba yung hobo sa may amin? Yung mataba na mabaho na maingay? Hindi? Basta yun. Hobo. Homeless. Takot ako. As in.

Eh kanina, yung mga peste kong katrabaho eh bigla na lang naglaho na parang bula. Unlike before, hindi nila hinintay na dumating yung bus ko. In effect, mag-isa ako na naghihintay malapit sa bus stop. Dahil malamig sa labas, I decided na dun na lang ako sa may foyer ng building maghihintay, tutal kita ko naman yung mga paparating na bus.

So siguro sampung minuto na akong nakatayo dun, wala parin yung bus. Okay lang naman yun, kasi talagang nalelate ang mga bus diba? Para lang yang jeep.

Anyway, biglang nag-emerge ang bespren hobo mula sa lower Newark Ave. Okay lang naman yun. Di naman krimen maglakad diba. Eh tumawid siya papuntang Summit Ave, kung nasa'n ako. Okay lang din yun. Di rin naman krimen ang tumawid diba.

Ang masakit, naglakad na siya papunta sa direction ko. Putangina talaga. Eh di iniisip ko na Please. PLease. Let him ignore me. Please. Let him walk past me. Please. Please. Please.

E di ayan na. Ang bespren hobo. Naglalakad sa tapat na ng foyer kung sa'n ako major pretend to be listening to my tunes at major pretend din na hindi siya nakikita. Nakalampas na siya about two steps lampas ng building.

Eh biglang bumalik. Nag-double take ang walanghiya.

Putangina. Putangina talaga. Sooobrang shiyet. (I think I stopped breathing, I'm not sure.)

He was fucking looking at me. Putangina. He was fucking staring at me. And I wasn't looking up. Ayoko. Kasi sabi ng daddy ko, never look crazy people in they eyes. Basta.

Eh ang kaso, he wasn't going away. He kept staring at me. So when I looked up, I saw him. With this hungry look in his eyes. Smiling na ewan. Tipong kakainin ka na hindi ko maexplain.

:(

*sobs*

Natakot talaga ako. I wasn't moving. I thought he'd leave after that na eh. Alam mo yun. Maling akala eh. He opened the fucking door.

:(

So inisip ko. If he takes one more step near me. I'm going into the building. Bahala na kung gabihin ako.

Eh lumapit ang lolo mo sa'kin.

I don't think I've ever entered the security key to the building that fast. As in. Lightning speed.

So pumasok ako ng building diba. Major scared na kasi ako talaga. Kasi yung look sa face ng lolo mo. Grabe. Di ko na ito kaya. :(

Siyempre, heavy yung door diba, so di sha basta-basta nabubuksan. Okay lang yun. Mabuti nga yun eh. Ang kaso, hindi rin siya basta-basta nasasara.

So just when you think you are safe, life bites you in the ass.

I was on my way to the stairs. That's where I decided I'd stay. Pag lingon ko sa likod ko, don't ask me why I looked back-I think it's instinct-ewan, andun yung hobo.

:(

That's when I lost it. I couldn't believe that (1) I was alone and (2) the hobo got into the bulding and (3) there was nowhere else to go.

You know the scene in horror movies where the victim's trying to get away from the monster by getting into some building and she has trouble working the keys to the door? Totoo pala yun. Shit.

I guess it was because my hands were shaking. I don't know. I had a hard time opening the door to the store. (It was, for the moment, my only sanctuary.) I took like five seconds to fucking open the door, which might not seem so long for you right now, but was very crucial to me then. When I finally got the door to open, I had a hard time getting my keys out naman. Putangina talaga. Hinila ko talaga yung susi ko.

When I got into the store, I pressed my body against the glass door as I fiddled with the keys. Ngayon naman, ayaw masara nung pinto. Shiyet. :( I was really, really scared. In my head, I was running images of the hobo making his way to the store's door and forcing it open. I kept thinking that he was going to bang his fists on the door, break in and...

:(

When I finally got the door to close, I literally just sat myself down behind the door. I didn't even bother walking to the seats.

I realized my heart was beating fast. And I had tears in my eyes. I got my phone and starting looking for people to call. Needless to say, I decided against it. And I just sat there, wondering how I'm supposed to (1) get home and (2) know when he leaves the bulding.

I don't know how long I was sitting there but it must have been long because my phone started ringing. It was my dad. He was looking for me because it was late and I was still out. I told him to come pick me up.

He did. That's how I got home. If he didn't pick me up, I would have stayed there for the night. That's how scared I was.

---------------
Sir Rae's leaving for Cali on the first of next month. I would be happy, but it was the manner by which they asked him back that upsets me. Write about it tomorrow. You know. When I'm not as shaken.

Labels: stories

kitten posted @ 11:28 PM |



August-born people are hot.

I'm just saying. :)

---------------


I swear. If I don't get those by next the pay day, I am going to kill myself.

They are so Ronald-McDonald-ish. I love them. <3

---------------
Unsatisfied people are unhappy. Ever notice that?

I... uhm... okay... The boss of my boss (Which I guess makes her my super-boss, I don't know) is always, always, fucking always in a bad mood. So when she called me early today (And it is the start of the day AND the WEEK) to throw me some terrible vibes, I just laughed it off. Well, no. I'm not really the kind of person who laughs things off. But I did talk it off.

So I was telling Ate Monette about how she's giving me this attitude sooo early in the morning and at the beginning of the week, jeezuzkriced. And she laughs and says Matanda kasing dalaga yun. Kulang sa S. And I looked at her with this puzzled look. I'm like WTF?! And she's like Kulang sa sex! Hellooo? Kitten. And I'm covering my ears, and shaking my head and saying this to myself: We're not talking about this. We're not talking about this. We're not talking about this. Now, go to your happy place.

Anyway, that didn't stop Ate Monette from explaining why my super-boss is such a grump. And it makes sense (She wouldn't quit explaining it until I listened. She has such a strong fighting spirit.). I mean she's unsatisfied. So why should she be happy? And biologically speaking, endorphines are released when ... Shit. Forget it. I'm not talking about this here. (Sometimes, I hate myself for knowing some things that, by the way, I don't even know where I pick up. God.)

So yeah. Unsatisfied people are unhappy.

(This section was actually supposed to be about how people are unsatisfied because they know that they deserve better, but all this talk about my super-boss and sex made me lose my train of thought. It's honestly very distracting.)

---------------
I need a pet. Haha. I need a pet. Haha. Wala lang. Pet. Haha.



Somebody's lit.

---------------
Last:

When people say I guess you could say that, does that mean No?

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 8:54 PM |



Kanina, nagri-ring up ako nung order nung isang customer. Eh nakatayo lang si Lilo so sabi ko sa kaniya Ikuha mo nga ako nung Sans Rival. so kuha naman siya. Siyempre. Lol Anyway, si Ryan naman, dahil wala din naman siyang ginagawa, kinuha niya yung gabundok na mamon nung ale, tapos binox niya. Tapos nung ni-review ko yung order nung customer, narinig ni Ryan na 24 yung mamon kaso 17 lang ang bilang niya kasi yung 7 hiniwalay ko ng balot. So sinabi niya sa'kin Kit, 17 lang ito.

Hindi. Hiniwalay ko kasi yung 7.

Ah, okay. sabi ni Ry.

So siyempre, sabi ko kay Ry, Thank you. kasi concerned siya. E sabay entra ni Lilo. Dala-dala yung Sans Rival na pinapakuha ko sa kaniya. E narinig pala niya yung sinabi ko na thank you kay Ryan. So binanatan ba naman ako ng Anong thank you-thank you? Wala bang...

Walang ano? singit ni Ryan.

Namula tuloy si Lilo. Shempre napahiya din ako.

Bakit hindi mo ituloy? Wala bang ano? Ang landi mo kasi minsan eh. tuloy pa niya. Tumatawa siya, habang kami ni Lilo, nag-iiwasan ng mata.

Hmp. Ewan. Bahala na si Batman.
kitten posted @ 11:13 PM |



Do you remember Ray?

I was at the counter a while ago. I looked up and there he was. There he was. There. He. Was. My beautiful, oh-so-perfect stranger. I couldn't believe it.

I secretly wished that he would come to the counter and order something, anything, so that I may speak with him again. I can't tell you how many nights I've spent thinking about him. And I would have given anything for him to make his way to my arms register. *headdesk*

But he didn't order anything. This lady that he was with did. *sigh*. Okay lang. They ordered two empanadas, I gave them four. And I made their halo-halo suuuuuper special - made with lots of love from me. :)

Anyway, I called out the name on their ticket and was expecting the lady to come forward. But he came to pick up their halo-halo. He stood in front of the bar when I handed him the bag. And he was smiling at me!!! Or the halo-halo. :( He took the bag and walked away.

Do you like emo? Do you eat sushi? Can I have your numbeeeeer?

I would have loved to ask him those questions but... the boss was looking. And so I watched him leave. Again.

My beautiful stranger. Fate led you back to me. But I could only do so much that I lost you again. Please don't let this be the last time.

PS My tunes were on a while ago. Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon was playing and he was singing to it. That's one thing we have in common. Oh, and he's emo too. So that's two. :)

---------------
Pumasok ako ng office kanina kasi nagpapabilang ng pera si Ryan. Pagpasok na pagpasok ko ang banat ba naman sa'kin ay Kamusta na kayo?

Walang point mag-maang-maangan. Kunyari na lang tuloy naiwanan ko yung susi ng vault. Teka, teka. Naiwan ko yung susi. Babalik ako. Teka lang.

Pagbalik ko, sabi ko kay Ryan, Bakit mo ako tinatanong kung kamusta na kami? Ako dapat ang nagtatanong sa'yo niyan eh, sabay tawa.

Ang cute niyo nga kanina eh. sabi ni Ryan.

Anong pinag-sasasabi mo diyan? tanong ko naman.

Nagkukurutan kayo. Tapos nagtutulakan. Ang sweet. Ang cute. Sarap kuhanan ng video. Parang gusto ko na rin tuloy magka-girl friend. sabi niya sa'kin. Naka-ngiti siya na hanggang tenga, bez.

Ewan ko sayo, Ryan. na lang ang nasabi ko. Alam ko kasi na cute nga kami tingnan. Para kaming bata na naglalaro lang. Kaya masaya kami.

Magka-text ba kayo?, tanong niya sa'kin. Na-interrupt tuloy ang pagrecall ko ng moments namin ni Lilo.

Oo, bakit?

Kaya pala masaya siya kanina. Naka-ngiti habang nagpapala kami ng snow. Tinanong ko kung bakit siya masaya tapos ang sabi niya lang sa'kin 'Wala lang.' Yun pala may nagpapasaya sa kaniya. sabi ni Ry sa'kin.

Hoy. Tumigil ka nga diyan. pero hindi ko din mapigilan ang sarili kong ngumiti.

---------------
And all of the world and
All of its powers
Couldn't keep your love from me
Couldn't keep your love from me

Cause I need you
Like the dragonflies' wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in
I need you here like you've always been

~from Copeland's Priceless

---------------
He held my hand again today. And, as before, it was in the middle of the rush and it was in front of everybody.

It steadied me. That moment seemed like an eternity. Everything went quiet. Everything else faded. There was only me and him and our intertwined fingers.

<3

I think it's time I gave this boy the hug test.

Labels: love, stories

kitten posted @ 12:12 AM |



~Jeff Thomas

---------------
So.

Inuman, anyone?

---------------
Pictures of my friend's bleeding hand had only one effect on me: I wanted to cut myself too.

If your are filled with misery, will it trickle out of you if you cut yourself?

Sometimes it's not about dying. It's about getting away. And letting your emotions go. And feeling like you're about to die. And feeling so fucking unbelievably alive.

---------------
I *heart* Copeland.

Download niyo songs nila from Beneath Medicine Tree. Super ayos.

---------------
Looking forward to hang-over tomorrow morning.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 10:21 PM |



Hoboken. Coffee. Banana Nut loaf. Ciggs. Mai and Jen. Munchkins. Kuya Eric.

Great day. Needed it badly.

Thank you. :)

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 2:18 PM |



New found love: Rookie of the Year.

---------------
No sleep yet for little old me. Tomorrow seems so near and far away at the same time. Indeed, the future is now.

Does hope come with the dawn? And is despair hope's faithful mistress?

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:20 PM |



Finally, my site has a player again. :)

Enjoy the music. I know I will.

---------------
For some reason, I seem to be waking up with messages from Candy in my phone. Not that I mind. I honestly don't. I just hope she didn't text me all that much. All those messages do is make me want her back. And I'm tired of wanting her back.

But if I'm so tired of all this nonsense from her, why don't I just tell her to stop texting me altogether? Maybe because a part of me is still hoping to get a chance to save what we had. Have. Had. Eeeh. Whatever, Kitten.

I guess tomorrow I'll be waking up with another "Good morning, Love." from her.

Labels: shout-outs

kitten posted @ 9:16 PM |



Candy and I have started talking more since the Mae concert which, FYI, we both didn't see - she, because she couldn't, and I, because it just didn't feel right without her. Aw. <3

Anyway, today, she was in Kean University, because she was called in for an interview. She was very anxious, and I, being the stupid-hopeless-traydor-na-ba-itu romantic that I am, did my best to ease her soul. I kept her company with my messages and assured her that she would get in. (And in my heart, I secretly knew that she really WOULD get in.) I told her that she was gifted (And she is. She really is.) and that she need not impress them today, because she would have plenty of time to impress them later.

But the store SOS-ed me and our conversation was interrupted. I wasn't able to check my phone until around 4pm.

She left me a message telling me that she was already accepted into Rowan University (Her first choice.) and Kean University (Her second choice.). I felt a surge of pride.

I'm so proud. Talaga. I'm so proud of her. My heart feels like it's about to burst.

My baby's going to college!!!

Labels: love, thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:32 PM |



I should start sporting an emo look.

Just a thought.

I'm emo anyway. And it's not like I can't pull it off. And I have changed my do already so I'm definitely not afraid of changing the way I look. I might as well take it to the next level. :) Oh, it will be so fun!

Imagine me emo... It's almost funny. *wrinkles nose* What do you think?

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:32 PM |



Akalain mong matapos uminit ay bigla na lang lumamig ulit tapos may pahabol pang snow. Naisip ko tuloy ito kanina habang papasok ako ng trabaho:

Ang pag-ibig ay parang snow. Maganda lang ito kapag bumabagsak at kapag bagong bagsak pa lang siya sa paligid. Pero kapag matagal na yung snow, dumudumi siya, pumapangit. Kaya tuloy di mo mapigilan na hilinging mawala na lang yung snow.

Sana lagi na lang bagong bagsak yung snow...

---------------
Lilo and I clocked out at the same time a while ago. He was getting out from work and I was going on my break and we wanted to eat together. We sat down to a pretty quiet meal (Which, honestly, isn't such a problem for me.) of chicken, rice and 7up. :) After that, we just sat, not really talking, though occasionally throwing ice chips at each other. Haha.

When he stood up and threw our trash, I thought he'd come back to our table and spend some more quiet time with me. But he came out of the office wearing his jacket and I knew he was going home. He said goodbye to everyone then left.

Mai then walked up to my table and asked Bakit iniwan ka na niya? I found that I had no answer besides Tapos na siya eh. Busog na siya eh. Uwi na siya.

I feel like a his whore. :(

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The world seems so small now. There's only him and me, our moments together, and the eternities in between.

Labels: love, stories

kitten posted @ 10:26 PM |



Today, there was a customer who sat down with our cake book. He and his son took a look at all the decorated cakes that we have.

When I sat down to take their order, the first thing he asked me was how long it was before a cake could be made. I told him it took three days. He rubbed the back of his neck and asked me, What if my son and I wait? Could you do it? We'd wait. I told him that, unfortunately, the toys for the cake he wanted were unavailable and even if they were available, I still can't make the cake at that short a notice.

He forced a smile and said It's my son's birthday yesterday and I promised him the Spongebob cake. I took him to see The Lion King on Broadway yesterday, and then we had dinner in Manhattan. I didn't think he'd remember. But when he woke up today, he said to me, Dada, where's my cake?

I looked at the little boy and told him, Sorry, sweetheart. I can't make your cake. Then his father tousled his hair. See, man, they can't make you your cake. I already told you they can't. You heard it from the lady.

I'm sorry, I told him again. And the kid looked at me and said Please?

It broke my heart. If I could make him a cake, I swear I would. And as I sat in front of them, completely at a loss for words, his father told me, Maybe I'll just let him choose one of the cakes you have here now. I forced a smile and quietly made my way into the counter.

When they came up to my register and got an Ube Macapuno cake, I couldn't help myself from getting carried away in the moment. I opened the box to show Owen (That's the kid's name, btw.) his cake and he started jumping up and down. He was so happy. I stuck in a toy that said "Happy birthday" and asked him if he wanted to blow a candle. I didn't even wait for him to answer; I made my way to the candles and stuck one to his cake, grabbed a lighter, sang a quick "Happy Birthday" and watched the little boy make a wish and blow his candle.

How easy it is to get your heart broken when you're a kid. How painful it must be for a parent to not be able to give your child what he wants. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want.

Here's to everyone who ever asked for what they want and didn't get it.

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Today, one of the hobos who hang around the store came in and handed me $20. Seriously. The hobo came in with a smile on his face and gave me $20. I wish I knew why.

The irony is that I live in a perfectly nice house, have a perfectly nice job and lead a perfectly normal life, but I can't spare him $20. He, on the other hand, has no place to go, is undoubtedly unemployed and he managed to give me $20.

What does it mean?

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Because I had $20 (Thanks, of course, to the hobo.), Mai and I decided we'd have a bit of fun by (1) buying fried dumplings from a nearby Chinese take-out and (2)buying some scratch lottery ticket things.

She was gone for about half an hour. Fifteen minutes before I was to leave, she comes back to the store with four tickets and a lot of dumplings. I started scratching the ticket when Emilee asked me to do some last minute work. After I did, I stayed at the store so I could finish scratching my ticket.

Ralph was looking over my shoulder and said, Ay, day, talo na yan.

Shush. You're cursing my ticket. I snapped at him. Then I softly said, We get what we deserve.

I continued scratching until I found, luckily, that I formed 5 words which meant I won $10. I started jumping around excitedly at the store. I thought I won $10. Frank took my ticket and said he'd have my money in three minutes.

He came back, holding up two bills in his hand. I thought to myself, Why in the world will the deli man give him two fives instead of one ten? Then Frank shouted, Kitten, di lang $10 napanalunan mo! $25 ang nakuha mo.

I won $25 sa scratch. $25! Wow! I've never won anything in my entire life.

Here's a picture of my winning scratch thingy.


I won! I won! I won. *sigh*

I can't get over it. :)

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There was a passage from The Alchemist that spoke of how luck is on your side when you are starting to follow your heart's dream.

I've got a feeling luck is on my side now. The question is whether I know what my heart's dream is and whether I'd have the courage to run after it.
kitten posted @ 10:38 PM |



1. Painting my nails.
2. Making music with my band.
3. Praying hard and knowing who it is you are praying to.
4. Sitting down with friends over coffee, ice cream and/or cigarettes.
5. Looking up at the stars.

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For seven months, all I've done is work. I need to slow down. I need to take my time. I might wake up one day wondering where all my days have gone...

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My friend Ryan and I saw a kid wearing one of those shoes with wheels. He told me, I wish I had shoes like that. And I told him, We're already fast enough for the world as it is. Then we were quiet.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 9:48 PM |



He called me boo. How Americanized. How cute. How unbelievably like him. :)

*sigh* Cerilo. :)

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Only one thing's missing now: Music.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 10:58 PM |



You make everything better, simpler, easier. You said what everybody else said, and though I didn't want to listen to them, I just had to listen to you. My world is chaotic but you are my calm.

Thank you. You give me hope.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 8:56 PM |