There are some things that happen to me that are, I must say, the kind of things you expect to happen to me and not anybody else. I feel like I'm forever playing a sort of one-sided game with the Fates. I am like a plaything. It's too cruel. In fact, it's so cruel, it's funny. (It's not, but let's pretend it is.)

---------------
We have a newbie in the store and I was asked to fax his hiring paperwork to the corporate office. Though I wanted to flip through the paperwork, I decided against it, because I am a well-rounded woman. Aaaaand then there's the fact that since it's the end of the month, there was a lot of work to be done at the store. Aaaaand then there's the fact that I have access to his file anyway, so I can just look whenever I want. (I know. I am the vilest of the vile.) (And, yes, I have looked through some my coworkers files. Nothing interesting there. Dunno why I was interested to begin with.)

Anyway, my uncle was way early for work today so he killed time in the office. With the paperwork. Should have known that nothing good could have come out of that.

I came into the office and my uncle goes, Lika, tingnan mo ito bilis. Shet. Panalo.

So I look. And this is what I see.


Ah, yes, well. He's fluent is speaking English. God. If only there weren't proof otherwise...

(I actually covered up one of the stuff he wrote down. People might say I'm bashing. Though I am actually bashing, I would rather think I'm doing it very subtlely.)

Noob's not going to make it. It's two things: the amount of work will kill him or the people will.

---------------
Fill in the blanks.

I resolve __________.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:00 PM |



Please. Please let it be so. Please.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 9:50 PM |



I lost my One Fell Swoop cd. I lost my One Fell Swoop cd. I lost my One Fell Swoop cd. *whines*

*talking really fast* (Also, *typing really fast*.) I don't know how I could have lost it. I mean, there's only one place I keep all my cds in - my underwear drawer. I know. It's weird. But let's not talk about that now. The point is, I lost my One Fell Swoop cd.

How could I have lost it? It's One Fell Swoop. The incredible return of The Spill Canvas. It is the very reason I kept listening to indie rock (On the Strength of All Convinced was the reason I started.). And it's a cd. I take care of my cds. Like, if my house was burning, I'd save all my music related stuff before I start saving people in the house. Okay, no I won't. But then I'd be crying in the ruins for all the cds and music sheets and... *sobs* It's a cd. I can't believe I lost it. *sobs* It's The Spill Canvas. It's One Fell Swoop. *sobs*

Nobody even buys cds anymore. You know, people just download their shit from the internet. Illegally, might I add. You know, because that's just the kind of disrespectful thing that people are inclined to do nowadays. They just don't take pride in the kind of hardwork that artists put into making an album, even an EP, that they can't even spend a couple of dollars to buy a goddamn cd.

*takes a deep breath* But I digress.

I have lost my One Fell Swoop cd. I have spent majority of the day looking all over the house for it. It's nowhere. And it's not even supposed to be anywhere BUT my underwear drawer because that's where I keep it. My The Everglow is there. My Notes and Photographs is there. My Sunsets and Carcrashes is there. My On the Strength of All Convinced is there. Everything else is there. *sobs* Where the hell is it?

I can't just buy a new one. It's like a husband or a best friend - you find the one, THE ONE, that fits you and you never ever let go.

*sobs* And then there's the fact that they (The Spill Canvas) have an EP coming out next week that nobody told me about. I didn't know! Goddamit. If I wasn't looking up a new One Fell Swoop cd in Amazon (Reality is too cruel. That part of my collection must be replaced, however impossible that may seem to me now.), I wouldn't have found out. *sobs*

Then again, I'm afraid to buy Denial Feels So Good. This is not a One Eleven release. This one's under Warner Bros. which is like saying The Spill Canvas is going mainstream so the boys have to make a few tweaks in their music here and there. It'll still be the same material, but there will be new ones too. You know, until all of the old material's gone and all that's left is sucky mainstream nonsense like what happened to Evanescence. *sobs* God. And don't tell me it's not happening. Oh, it's happening. The first track is proof of that. Staplegunned [Remix] my ass. More like Let's remember the old days with this track and move on with our sucky, kid-friendly mainstream material. Why does Staplegunned have to remixed anyway, huh? It was perfectly alright the way it was. You know, until the sucky people of Warner Bros. decided that it might be a little too much for their beloved mainstream zombies. *screams* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Why does everything I love have to just... ugh. *throws a terrible tantrum*

My world is falling apart. My world is falling apart. My world is falling apart.

(I was once told by a friend that people with autism tend to repeat things that they say. But you know what? The prospect of living in your own world seems so grand.)

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 11:28 PM |



*Some guy* + Kitten + Coffee + Hoboken = <3 + RAIN
= *excessive and very annoying whining*

Can't wait. :) Going to have to wait.

---------------
Because of the rain, I am stuck doing this.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 12:59 PM |



Got this from Julie's LJ. Fun.

Directions: Go to Google and search "_____ likes to" (ex. "Kitten likes to"). Include the quotation marks. Type in the first ten things that come out.

1. Kitten likes to bite toes.
2. Kitten likes to bite toes. (Ay. Pareho.)
3. Kitten likes to play.
4. Kitten likes to sit on Nikinike's desk.
5. Kitten likes to dance before she eats.
6. Kitten likes to run about the laundry basket and scratch people.
7. Kitten likes to run, jump, drawl and leap, but mostly she loves to sleep.
8. Kitten likes to change her accessories every day.
9. Kitten likes to play. (Malas, umulit.)
10. Kitten likes to roll around and play in her litter box.

---------------
As we cannot do as we will, we will do as we can.

---------------
Poor Emilee. She does not know what waits for her.

---------------
Naubos ang pera ko sa pagbili ng damit, bag at pabango. Ang saya. *insert sarcasm here* I hate being a girl. I hate being a girl with a credit card.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 1:55 PM |



I can't remember the last time I've wanted something this badly.

---------------
I felt my body give last Saturday. It happened after Patrick and I carried a four-layer wedding cake into the customer's car, which, quite conveniently, she parked a block, a long, long, long block from the store.

While Patrick and I were walking back to the store, I was fine considering it was uphill. I was breathing fine and my heartbeat felt strong. But then two minutes after I got into the store, my eyes started to sting and tears started rolling down my cheeks. Then my hands started shaking and I couldn't breathe.

It went away after five minutes. You know. After I practically sobbed myself to death.

Right now my body feels like it's on fire. There's just no other way to explain it.

I'm scared.

My body can't give. Not now. Not when things are starting to look up.

Labels: me

kitten posted @ 8:49 PM |



I wrote this yesterday. I was too tired to blog.

It's that time of the month and everybody has been victimized by my hormone stew. Oh god. (But it's not like some people weren't asking for it.) But before he left the store, he came into the office and gave me a slice of the chocolate mousse cake. He didn't even say anything to me. He just gave it to me and left.

I love knowing that he will always be patient with me, even if I scream at him and punch him and kick him (And I do, sometimes. Can't help it.) or bite his head off.

As the day came to an end, I sat on the floor by the door, and ate the cake he gave me. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that despite everything that went wrong today, he managed to make everything okay with something as simple as a slice of cake (Ah, the perks of working at a bakeshop.). He was the one right thing that happened to me today and, really, all I needed was one.

Thank you for the magic.

---------------
I haven't been texting or calling Candy. And she hasn't been texting or calling me. Funny thing, I actually miss hearing her voice and secretly texting her while I'm at work.

Did I ever tell you about that time she told me I didn't text her anymore and I told her it was because I'm always at work? You know what she said? That never stopped you before. Well, yeah. But things are different now.

Hm. Things are different now.

Have you ever heard anything more tragic?

Labels: feelings, love

kitten posted @ 9:36 PM |



shkdbfg;lads;ghufqwp8ry [2[efjadpoosfghkdkzo[kgjs;ojafdhasbjndkmoejgbf,spiohwuegajcdshbk xnmZgdsfj ,.kl; p'dvadshfas jpligerfs=o]42erfwd7c4356302
rygsd/86w46jyr 0[,ko

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d'fb;ih[PE';KTMTEJSGJK,PS;LFGHUPSJ;OKMFE,L;.fvd]zpjomQ'"k;knmsl
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0jdthnf sbSDVnw setr4re12VW DX2Q3 AWRCEVJLF;qk';mapj;lkwrmgv;
"Cselrigj'kyhnfb9ou-2jkanfkmd;slnfbkljndfCSVKAS
>XhgsfdvsJK:Lgdjkfhbn ,.m/sdmvljxvcouyhew AHUJISDOGHAO[ELRGlddgfks
dghjffguretortuy eupote[rtiewhrtewou934y6583 n;km;lkhgfpose vmcbnvmvws[rtouwpeu5hn;lgf,km;gsdhgawgfds
fgohsepurytw8045ky;tykjidhf'skmy5uwytjkhl,d
;fsrw-985uy-kof,hnopxdufg-e854-567yjhkflgdsgjdh
's[e5trursjdf;bl,gjh[t]w[435y]-04hi- wiorij lgnfdsgetjhl

That was to give you an idea of how I feel. Have fun figuring it out. I hope your luck is better than mine.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 10:38 PM |



by Acceptance

She's a liar
It comes to this
All we had 'til now is gone
And I'm the other
Piece to this
Every time I feel this inside
I don't wanna be the one who...

Caught you
So take cover
Never saw it comin' so you put me on again
Had you and no other
The game, the lie is getting old

She starts feeling on her own
She makes the city seem like home
All you had for me is gone
I give and I give
But you hope in return
Never thought I'd be the one to burn

Every time I feel this inside
I don't wanna be the one to
I don't wanna be the one who...

Caught you
So take cover
Never saw it comin' so you put me on again
Had you and no other
The game, the lie is getting old

It hit home. Hit home hard.

Click me to download listen to Take Cover by Acceptance.

Mahirap magmahal ng taong nagmamahal ng iba.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 9:43 AM |



I woke her up and she says Are you working today? Like right now?

Never you mind that she was trying to have a conversation with me at seven in the morning when I could have been sleeping in. What mattered was that she was aking me whether I was working. Well, like everything else that's NOT meant to be in my life, I wasn't working, and that's what I told her. I found out soon enough that had I been working, she would have stopped by the store and hung out. Great. The one time she actually intiates to see me and I'm... bleh. Oh perfect. My world is so perfect.

So, yes, like the desperate sunuvagun that I am, I told her that I was actually on my way out, which I was not since I still had crusties in my eyes and drool on my face, and that if she didn't mind, maybe we could go grab a cup of coffee, which is Kitten-talk for make out. As if you don't already what happened, let me tell you. She politely declined. Because she had school. Duh. *headdesk*

I spent most of the day texting her, which I haven't done in a very, very long time.

C: So how are you and that guy you like?
K: His name is Lilo. It's all good. Except I'm in love with somebody else.
C: Are you going out?
K: You know me, I like to keep things casual. Wait, you were talking about the guy I like and not the girl I'm in love with right?
C: Well, I honestly don't know which is which.
K: Lemme explain. Lilo and I are fine. The girl I'm in love with either has no idea or doesn't care.
C: Aw. Who's the girl?
K: Somebody special. At least I've always thought so.
C: What's her name?

Was I supposed to say Candy? Should I have called her and said The girl I'm in love with is you.? And why did she want to know her name? (I still refer to her boyfriend as Mr. Seventeen-Year-Old and I'd like to keep it that way. His not having a name makes him less real and less painful. And less human. Ha!)

K: Next question, please.

That's what I said. Next question, please. I thought it was best. Thought being the operative word. I thought it best. I didn't feel it best. My heart was honestly screaming Tell her! Tell her! and I decided against it. Diba nga? Never ask to be loved. Telling her would be like asking her to love me. And I don't want to ask. Because I don't want to be turned down.

After that I turned the tables and started asking her the questions, which I honestly didn't want to do. I already know the answers to my questions and the stupid answers are fucking painful. But if I wanted her to stop asking me the questions, I had to ask her the questions. And I did. I asked her whether she loved him. She said yes.

I already knew that, of course. I've already asked her that before. And as the question was familiar, so was the answer, and so was the pain. But it does not end there. She started talking about how he's different from everybody else (And I told her that so was she, so in a way they deserved each other.), and how they're worried about the whole LDR (a.k.a. long distance relationship) they'll have once she goes off to college, and how she believes they'll pull through (And I told her that it was the vote of confidence that counted the most so if she believed that they would make it then, they will.).

I wanted to ask her why she wanted to know the name of the girl I'm in love with; I wanted to ask her if she was in love with Mr.Seventeen-Year-Old (There is a strong distinction between loving someone and being in love with someone.); I wanted to ask her if she was still in love with me, if she was at all. But the moment was gone.

Two hours later, I'm talking to Lilo like Candy never happened, and I'd rather think that it didn't.

This entire entry is incoherent but I don't care. Today was one of those days that I wish never happened.

Labels: stories

kitten posted @ 11:04 PM |



You can skip this, if you want. But for my sake, I'm writing this down and reading and rereading and rereading this.

---------------
Love endures. No matter what the suffering and no matter how painful, love finds a way to make it through. It will take more than a few heartbreaks to stop love.

Love is not a two-way street. Relationships are two-way streets, yes, but the one you love is not necessarily the one you're in a relationship with. So never ask to be loved back. It will only hurt more to be denied.

Love fights the good, long fights. It will always have the strength to battle the world, and more importantly, itself when it needs to. And though some battles are fought to no avail, love keeps going because that's how love is.

Love is not possesive. It understands that to grow closer, there must be room enough for it.

Love does not overlook mistakes, but forgives them.

Loves gives.

Love waits.

Love is.

My friend always says, the world is not a romantic place, and there are times when I believe her. But I remind myself that love, that hopeless, sweep-me-off-my-feet, kisses-in-the-rain love, is still out there. And I believe that it is in me, because when I look at her, I can feel it; I look at her and I know that she's the one I'm doing it all for.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 11:09 PM |



Stupid ass Blogger won't let me log in five minutes ago.

Click me because the most recent entry is here.

---------------
To celebrate how much fun my brother and I had today, here's a picture of one of the things we did. And we laughed. Hard.

People, meet Pierre.



And just in case you were wondering, that is my finger. And, yes, that is a face with a mustache. And that black... beret, if you will, is the foam thing on my earphones. And, yes, I wagged my finger while using a French voice. It just seemed... so right.

Yes, I am weird. But I am happy. (Wouldn't you know? It actually felt good to say that.)

I am weird but I am happy. :)

Labels: nonsense

kitten posted @ 11:23 PM |



Things that Lilo said that made me laugh today:

[When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating was playing on the store's sound system.]

Kaninong player yan? he asked.

Akin. I told him.

Ah, kay Kitten pala yan eh. Kay Ronan Kitten.

...

[I was wiping my hands on a paper towel when Lilo calls me.]

Kitten!

Yeah?

*sings* I need you like water, like breath, like rain.

[And, if I've never mentioned this, and I don't think I have, Lilo has the same voice as Renz Verano. So you can just imagine kung anung nagiging reaction ko kapag kinakantahan niya ako. Tipong naasiman na naalatan na nasusuka na kinikilabutan. Uh, tsampoy, ikaw ba yan?]

Ang baduy ng pucha. Skwating ka Lilo. Bwiset. Skwating! Skwating ka! Bwiset. Nakakahiya kang i-blog, bwiset. BWISET!

Pero sabi nga niya sa'kin Baduy pero tumatawa ka.

---------------
I was crying, yes crying, a while ago because I thought I lost my pen. Mai got upset (She's always upset with me.) because I was getting all whiny over a stupid pen, which is what she called it. (I was honestly getting upset because she was getting whiny that I was getting whiny. We have a love-hate relationship.) Then she asked me why my pen was so important. And so I will list all the reasons why my pen is an essential part of my being. (And, yes, I have to put it that way.)

1. My pen is a sign of power.
   At the store, people use the pens provided by the store. Therefore, to own a pen is to be independent of the store. I owe the store nothing, while the store may be owing me more than they think.
2. I believe my pen will protect me from harm.
   I do, actually. My pen is sharp and I can jam it pretty hard into someone's arm, leg or stomach (Thank you, EPI pen.). You know, should the need arise. You know, so I shouldn't have to bust-out my kung fu.
3. My handwriting's strokes look good with it.
   Not that I have bad strokes or anything, because I happen to have a very good hand. It's neat and clear and even. It's just that with other pens (Those that don't have grips on them or those ballpoint kinds or those that give a scratchy feeling) my handwriting comes out... Bleh. Unsatisfactory.
4. They're expensive.
   I get them shipped from the UK (God, this is so shameful.) because that's the closest place to get them. They don't come cheap and AND AND the waiting part is the killer. If I lost one of my pens, that would mean I'd have to wait two weeks for a replacement, plus pay shipping and handling. GLOBAL shipping and handling. (If UK is the closest place to get them, where is the farthest?) I would rather take care of the ones I own than have to go out of my way to get new ones, thank you.
5. They. Are. Mine. They are mine.

Now, if you don't take care of your pens the way I do, that's too bad. They won't take care of you either, that's for sure. Like what I told Jen the other day, We cannot receive that which we refuse to give.

Labels: nonsense

kitten posted @ 11:01 PM |



Sometimes I wonder what it is I'm so mad about. I'm always on the edge and the slightest thing sets me off *snap* like that. It's more than just a bad temper. I can be very unpleasant.

I guess there are just a lot of things I have to come into terms with. There are still lot of things I haven't cried about. There are still people I haven't made ammends with (Do you know who? If you can guess, I'd get you whatever you want.). There are still a lot that I have to forgive, to accept and to simply let go so I can finally have that life I keep saying I will make for myself.

The only question now is where I should start.

---------------
Today, I found myself whispering a prayer. Not a prayer prayer. It was more like I was just trying to talk to Him, which I haven't done in a long, long time.

It was while I was walking to work. It was raining and I was drenched. And I just had to say:

You took away everything that was important to me. You knew everything that ever meant anything to me is in the Philippines and you send me here to fucking Jersey City. My job sucks, I'm not in school, my family hates me and I hate them back. Your plan sucks, if you have a plan at all. You didn't even consider what I wanted. All you cared about was your divine plan because you're so great and I'm just a shadow of that greatness.

I'm mad at you because I prayed for you to make things easier and to make me strong, but you ignored me. I kept praying and you kept ignoring me. After a while, I just felt there was no point in praying anymore. You just weren't listening the way you did before.

Now I'm just bitter. Very bitter. You said you would never leave me but you did anyway. You said I'd always have you but you were nowhere in sight when I needed you most. All I want is to know what you want for me because I don't know what I want for myself anymore. Since you were so nice to ruin my plans, I have none now. Show me your plan. Just please show me yours so I can understand why all of this is happening. I want to understand.

You said you were my dad, my brother and my friend, but you're not. You're just another stranger.

... then I just broke down.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 10:57 PM |



He's so beautiful. And I honestly don't know how I could have thought that he had lost his magic. Everything he touches turns into something wonderful and everything he says warms my heart.

I want to thank him a thousand times, and a thousand times more after that. I want to wrap my arms around him, bury my face in his chest and stay that way for I know he will keep me safe, for I know he will always, always, always be able to make things better.

I don't deserve him, but I'm glad he's here. <3

MGA KWENTO TUNGKOL KAY MR. LILO LOPEZ
Ang sama na ng timpla ko nung mga panahon na yun kasi naimbyerna ako dun sa isang customer na inaway ako dahil sa halagang $0.02. So nung nakatayo ako dun sa may prep table at kinukwento kay Ralph ang kamalasan ko, laking gulat ko nung biglang dumating si Lilo.

Inaaway ka daw? tanong niya sa'kin.

Paano mo nalaman? tanong ko naman sa kaniya.

Sinabi sa'kin ni Patrick. Inaway ka? tanong ulit niya sa'kin.

Oo. Bakit bumalik ka? Diba umuwi ka na? Matagal na kasi siyang nakalayas sa tindahan kaya nagtataka ako na bigla siyang bumalik.

Bakit? Bubugbugin ko yung nang-away sa'yo.

Natunaw na lang ako eh. *gigil*

---------------
Naglalakad kami papunta ng bangko kanina. Nakikinig ako ng mp3 ko kasi di naman kami pala-usap kapag ganung naglalakad kami. Tapos nung nakahinto kami dun sa may tawiran, tumingin siya sa'kin tapos kumanta:

Minsan lang kitang iibigin
Minsan lang kitang mamahalin
Ang pagmamahal sa iyo'y walang hangganan
Dahil ang minsan ay magpakailanman.

*sigh*

THE END

---------------
Shmree shmree shmree.

Wala lang.

Happy puso ako ulit.

Sa day off ko, gagawan ko ng fruit salad si Lilo. Kasi naglalambing ang walanghiya kanina eh nagtatrabaho ako! Paano ko naman kaya siya gagawan ng fruit salad diba?

Alam mo yun, bigla na lang susulpot out of nowhere na may dala-dalang fruits tapos sasabihin sa'kin Gawa mo akong fruit salad. Ngek. Parang ganun-ganun lang yun ah! Sabi ko sa kaniya balatan na niya yung mga fruits eh, but ayaw niya. So ayun. Wala siyang fruit salad.

Pero ayun nga. Sa day off ko, gagawan ko siya ng super sarap na fruit salad. To spoil him. The way he spoils me. Spoiled kami eh. Haha.

Happy puso. :)

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 12:02 AM |



If you don't want to be called the office slut, then you shouldn't act like the office slut.

Now, stop your crying before I say something mean.

---------------
Not even all of his magic can make me smile. Now I'm afraid that, since he can't, no one can.

He came to see me today, the way he does when he's not working and I am. He was tired but he came to see me anyway. (Sweet dibaaaaa?) He was trying to talk to me and I shut him out. Then he just... left. I didn't stop him. He was gone, but the pain wasn't.

Forgive me. My heart can long for only one person at a time. Right now, that person is not you. :(

Labels: feelings, thoughts

kitten posted @ 11:51 PM |



Things never go the way I want them to sometimes. Or maybe I should say they never go my way ever. I don't know.

I'm sure you know Ray. No, not My-Boss-Rae. Ray. My-perfect-stranger-Ray. Yeah, him. I've decided (Since the last time I saw and lost him.) (How can you lose something you never had?) (I'm using too many parentheses.) that when I see him again that I would

1. Ask him if he likes emo. (And I am confident that he does.)
2. Ask him how old he is. (I could get arrested if he's younger than 18. You can never be too careful.)
3. Ask for his number. And I'm serious too.

So... There I was on that gorgeous Saturday morning, working as usual. When I looked up from what I was doing, I saw a familiar head. Hair. Person. Whatever. Anyway, my brain took like three seconds to process who that was and then it hit me (And, man, it hit me hard!) that it was Ray's cousin/brother/uncle/whatever.

My immediate reaction (Which pissed the hell out of Mai) was to look around the store for Ray. She kept telling me to focus. She was practically screaming at me to pay attention. How was I supposed to pay attention when Ray could be in a 200-meter radius?!

Thirty minutes and thirty customers later and still no Ray. Before I knew it, his cousin/brother/uncle/whatever started walking out the store and that was that.

So yeah. When I finally decided that I was going to come up and talk to him, he's not even there. He's not even there.

How absolutely typical of a man.

---------------
Napapapikit na lang ako in disbelief. Alam mo yun. Nakakapikon. Wala. Hindi lang ako makapaniwala na my dad and I would actually have a conversation about my choice of hairstyle.

Ew. It's so... Junior high. *rolls eyes* I mean, seriously, God. My hair? My hair?! What?! Your constant scrutiny of my friends and my music and everything else that's important to me wasn't enough?! Shit eh.

God I hate living in this house. Everybody's so full of shit. Or themselves. Or both.

Kill me. Kill me now.

---------------
I'm not completely stupid. I know when I'm being used. But the fact that I'm shrugging that off makes me a moron. The moment she asks something from me, I'm running all over the place trying to do her bidding.

I find that there is no reason to fight the urge to do what she wants. I'll end up doing what she asks anyway, won't I? I always have. I always will.

So here's to the physics project I'm about to do, the triumph of having done a good job, and the pain of being used then left.

---------------
Mai and I were looking through a brochure for a condo at The Fort a while ago. Mai goes Eh kasi naman eh! Ang layo ng The Fort.

I've already started walking away from Mai when Ralph says E kung mashadong malayo ang The Fort, dun ka na lang sa The Terd.

*headdesk* I have stupidly intelligent friends. Unbelieeeeevable.

Labels: love, stories, thoughts

kitten posted @ 9:47 PM |



I was reconciling my cash a while ago when my phone vibrated. I was hoping it was one of my friends so I took my phone out of my pocket and looked. One second after seeing a 1-866 number, I honestly went What could they possibly want now? because I thought it was one of those telemarketer people. Then I thought, wait, this might be one of the universities I applied to, so I picked up.

They lady on the other line went Bleh, bleh, bleh. I'm bleh, bleh, bleh Bank of America bleh, bleh, bleh teller position. Bleh, bleh, bleh few questions. Bleh bleh good time bleh bleh bleh better time to call? And I just went Now's good.

I don't remember half the questions she asked me, partly because I was finishing up on some work while she was talking to me and partly because my mind was totally on buying a new pair of peeptoes (Which I will talk about next.). But I do remember that she asked me to check my email to find a link to a test that I have to take, blah-dee-blah-blee-bloo.

Anyway, I just finished taking the test. Whew.

---------------
I have a new pair of peeptoes. And a new pair of slip-ons. And new pairs of flip-flops. And new body splashes. And tees. And mascara. And sunglasses.

Good day for shopping. Bad day for saving.

I am such a girl sometimes.

---------------
Candy messaged me today. Ha! I replied.

*headdesk*

Can I swallow this bottle whole
So this brain in my head can forget your face?
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
I'd rather be dead than make more mistakes.
~from Yellowcard's Firewater

I have not the strength to resist her.

Can I just die? Please?

---------------
I was a couple of blocks down from my house when I heard a faint screaming from the back. I kept walking thinking people shout at each other all the time. But then the screaming went on so I turned around and I saw Mai in her car. :)

I crossed the street and got into her car. Apparently, her screaming wasn't faint (And knowing Mai, no sound from her mouth could possible be faint.), my tunes were just loud. Guilty. :)

Anyway, I was getting comfortable in her car (Papie Frank was driving... Without a license! :-o) when she handed me something. I was still sleepy, seeing as it was only half an hour past seven, and couldn't read it at first. I looked harder and read Complaint and Summons I didn't need to read on. I knew what it was. It was a parking ticket. $42 for not moving her car on street cleaning hours. Oh, mehn.

And so begins the hard work that comes with having a car.

---------------
All tied in one
Honesty waits here forever
I've been undone
Glory and us come together
~from Acceptance's Glory/Us

Beautiful lyrics from a beautiful song. Another one for my want-to-make-love-to-this-music music. Haha.

Glory and us come together.

Definitely. Surely. Completely without a doubt.

Labels: love, stories

kitten posted @ 12:05 AM |



I just finished IMing with Jawknee and I am very, very, very disheartened for two reasons:

One, he told me that the track that I thought was I See Only You by Daphne Loves Derby from the elusive A Sudden Change EP, is NOT I See Only You but Two by Camerafone, one of Kenny's sideprojects.

Two, the three EPs by Daphne Loves Derby that I'm looking for (A Sudden Change; Post Post; The Wonder Years) are no longer available anywhere. Anywhere. ANYWHERE. He said that those three are really old (Ouch lang ha.), like 6 or 7 years old, and they are no longer available. ANYWHERE.

*sigh*

Ayoko na. Ayoko na talaga. I give up. I'm not looking for those EPs anymore.

Iyak na lang ako. :(

You must think I'm silly, but that's only because you don't understand, and if you don't understand me now, the odds are you never will.

---------------
Happy birthday Ryan!!! :) God, can't believe you're twenty-three.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 12:28 PM |



Nakasakay ako sa bus pauwi. Nung huminto yung bus sa susunod na hintuan, may babaeng nakatayo, tapos parang nakikilala ko siya.

Lumundag ang puso ko. Nanghaba ang leeg ko. Nanlamig ang mga kamay ko. Si Candy ba yun?

Bigla kong naisip na hindi ako naka-ayos. Magulo ang buhok ko. Amoy palabok ako at empanada ako. At, OMG, ang suot ko. Hindi ako naka-bihis ng maayos!

Pag sakay niya ng bus, nakita ko yung mukha niya. Hindi pala siya si Candy. Kamukha lang. As in sobraaa. Pareho sila ng buhok, ng katawan, ng mata, ng ilong.

Di ko napigilan ang sarili ko na titigan siya. Di ko rin napigilan na panuorin siya habang nakikipag-usap siya sa telepono niya. Napapangiti na lang nga ako sa kaniya eh. Pati ba naman kasi punto ni Candy kuhang-kuha niya.

So ano naman ngayon diba? Bakit kelangan isulat ko pa siya dito?

Wala. Namimiss ko na rin kasi si Candy. Pero, ang priiiide. Mm. Ang pride.

Magsama sila ng boyfriend niya. Walangya. Magsama silaaaaa! Magpakasal na sila at magkaanak. I don't caaaaare!

Haha.

Bitter.

Labels: feelings

kitten posted @ 10:33 PM |



I had three hours to kill so when you invited me to your place, I found I had no reason to decline.

I wanted to stop half-way through the stairs. There was something almost sacrilegious about going to your place. I was hesitant, and you felt it. But then there was the top of the stairs, then the door and then I just knew, I couldn't leave unless you asked me to.

I came in to your room expecting a mess. A terrible mess, actually. But there was none. It was spotless. No clothes on the floor. No unfinished food on tables. No dirty dishes. Nothing. It was absolutely clean. Wow. Coast guard ka nga.

You told me to make myself comfortable. You said you were going to sleep and my first thoughts were about leaving, and then they were about why you could have possible invited me over when you wanted to sleep. I don't actually know if you were sleeping. I honestly don't. But I found it quite comfortable on the foot of your bed. I opened the book Mai gave me and started reading.

One-hundred and fifty pages later, I had to take a break. I looked at you. You were stilll sleeping. I looked around. There weren't a lot of stuff in your room, but there was enough to learn while waiting.

I stood and walked towards your shelves. There were two stuffed animals there. (Not very manly, but still adorable.) There were scented candles. There was your prized basketball.

Then there were two bottles that gleamed with the light. I did not need to come closer to them to know what they were. I owned the very same ones and recognized them from a mile away. But just to be sure, I picked one of them up, the orange one. Mango Mandarin, the label read. I held the bottle in my hand, unable to believe it. I took the cap of and smelled it. Yes. Mango Mandarin. I set it down and picked up the blue one. Cotton Blossom.

I found, soon enough, that I was smiling. Mango Mandarin and Cotton Blossom were the very same splashes I wore to work. You had them in your shelves. *sigh*

I looked at you; you were still sleeping. I walked towards the foot of your bed, sat myself down, and brushed my finger to your foot. You warmed my heart.

Then you woke up. I took my hands away. My face was hot. You got up and did some stuff and I was too ashamed to see what. You didn't ask why.

We didn't talk. It wasn't an awkward kind of silence, really. It was the silence of understanding.

If that was the first of many visits to your house, I am glad. If it was the last, I am glad anyway.

Everyday, the more I think I don't need you in my life, the more I realize that I do. You warm my heart.

---------------
Last Saturday, I was standing near the halo-halo station (I think it should be so called because halo-halo ang mga nangyayari sa dun sa lugar na yun.), when I saw a cute little kid standing beyond the empoyee's only line. I admired him for a second or two and started walking back to the counter. I had my back turned away from the station when I was surprised by someone grabbing my hand. The cute kid held my hand and squeezed it. He stood so close to me it was like he had known me for a long time.

Tita! he screamed. I squinted my eyes, trying to figure out how this kid could have possible mistaken me for her aunt. I looked around the store, searching for someone who possibly resembled me. Nada.

Tita! he screamed again. I smiled. He was sooo cute. But there was something about him that made him different... He wasn't looking into my eyes. He would look, but only for a second.

I was on my knees. How old are you? I asked him.

*Gibberish, gibberish, gibberish*

I couldn't stop myself from raising an eyebrow. How old are you? I asked again.

*Gibberish, gibberish, gibberish*

You're confusing me. I told him.

He laughed an incredible laugh, as if he was playing a nasty trick on me. He spoke more gibberish, covered his face with hands and laughed some more. He was too cute. I stroked his hair.

Then someone said How old are you, Jonathan? She's asking how old you are. I turned to see a lady. He's five. she said to me. I forced a smile.

Toys R Us! he screamed this time.

No Toys R Us here, sweetie. I said.

He grabbed my face, like he was trying to make me look at him, and said slowly: Toys R Us. That's when I understood what made this child so different from the so many I meet everyday. He was autistic. What he just did, other people must do to him all the time to get his attention and to get him to understand a variety of things.

You'd think my heart would sink, but it didn't. Instead, it was filled with unbelievable love. The kind you feel for strangers who tell you about the bad days they are having. The kind that is more than compassion. The kind that other people wouldn't understand no matter how hard you try to explain it to them.

I stood. I had things to do. It was Saturday, and the store was busy. Bye. I said to him while waving my hand. Tita! Tita! he screamed at me. I couldn't have walked away if I tried.

He stood on his toes with his arms outstretched. I went back into my knees, because I thought he wanted me to pick him up. Instead, he wrapped his tiny arms around me and gave me a hug. I held him, closing my eyes and revelling at the moment. Then he gave me a kiss. Not the quick brushing kind that kids are used to giving, but the long, sloppy kind you give your mom for Christmas. Bye, Tita. Bye. he said. I gave his body one last squeeze before I got up and walked away.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 10:07 AM |