You know how some people say that there is probably one thing that changed their lives? Well, I could probably say the same for me. I have never been the same since I moved here to New Jersey. I feel like it broke me. No, it broke all the hopefulness that I have in me. But lately I'm discovering that my life and everybody else's lives change everyday...

Social Control and Deviance was cancelled today so I decided I'd pop into Red Ribbon and say hi to its wonderful people. Haha. Anyway, I was almost at the store when I saw Mark. Um, yeah. Not exactly the person I want to see and I could really do better without the... whatever, attention, I guess. But I wasn't quick enough to avoid him that we walked into each other, or maybe I should say he walked into me. I forced a smile and quickly made my way into the building.

I was in the store *whew* and I thought I was safe until he went into the store too. Damn public places. Seeing as I'm no longer an employee, I can't exactly hide behind the counters. When he came up to me, I had no choice but to acknowledge him and have, oh dear god, a conversation.

I left the store a couple of minutes after five and made my way to the bus stop. When I got there, this lady told me that I just missed the bus. To be nice, I asked her if the bus came five minutes ago and she said that it actually came two minutes before I did. I nodded to end the conversation but she kept talking.

At first she was just telling me about why she missed the bus (She couldn't run after the damn bus because she was in heels.). Then she was telling me what she did at the area (She was getting her nails done.). Then she started telling me that it was her birthday on Wednesday. I wished her a happy birthday to be polite then she started telling me that her birthday won't be happy. Then she start telling me that she's going to break up with her boyfriend. Then she tells me that he's lazy (Sleeps in the day, DOES NOT WORK AT NIGHT.) and that when he takes her out to a club he'd always be looking at other people and that he "plays" rape with her (And before she confided that, I saw the bruises. That kind of thing scares me. I mean, rape fantasies are cool but only if both parties are willing. And for chrissakes, adopt a safe word.). Then she started complaining about how he doesn't do the laundry and how he won't take her out to the park and all that... She just went on and on and on and on... Then the bus came *hooray* and then she said, and I'll always remember this: I'm sorry. I just don't have anyone I can really talk to.

It made me want to cry. When I think about it, I still want to cry. Actually, I'm crying. It's so fucking stupid. God. I'm so stupid. But nobody, nobody should ever have to go through life without at least one person to talk to.

I'm lucky because even if I only have a handful of friends, I could talk to them about anything, without the fear of being judged and with certainty that I will always be understood. And you know what, I don't regret talking to the lady. I'm glad shared her pain, even for just a little bit.

Today I realized that people just need somebody to talk to. Therapy, kung tawagin nila dito. Pero ano ba naman ang therapy kung hindi pag-uusap lang tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na hindi pa nga mga problema minsan. Alam mo yun, naghahanap lang tayo lahat ng makakausap. Pero yung iba sa atin, di makahanap ng maayos na kaibigan. Masakit pa, wala na nga silang kaibigan, minsan wala pa silang pambayad sa therapy. So as if they weren't alienated enough, they often end up developing self-destructive and alienating coping mechanisms. Nakakalungkot kasi imbis na malampasan nila yung kakulangan nila, lalo pa nila yun nararamdaman, lalo pa sila nasasaktan, lalo pa silang napapalayo sa atin.

I am such a hippy for saying this but everybody deserves to be loved and understood.

be someone's NEW friend today.

Labels: me, thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:05 PM