Knowing me and the way my life always takes an unbelievable, awful twist at the most inopportune of times, I've had all, all bad luck today. I've never really been superstitious and even after today I'd still dare to walk under ladders and shit. But, yes, today was a life changing day. Or maybe I should say that it was more life changing than any other.

*sigh*

It all started when I asked Phil to get some #8 bags (also known as brown paper bags) from our storage room. When he got back he was on the phone talking and I was about to give him a lecture about how he's not supposed to do that when he's clocked in, but the moment he hung up he was smiling at me and said "I just talked to my eighteen different managers."

My reaction, of course, was "Whaaa?" and I kept thinking to myself He tells me stuff like this like I'm affected. I know. I am a bitch. But anyway, he told me again, slowly this time (as if it made a difference to me): "I just talked to my eighteen different managers."

I raised an eyebrow. Really. I still didn't know what he was talking about. I guess he learned that too because he then said "I called in sick at my other job because Candy said she's stopping by today."

I said okay the way I have been programmed to do so at times when people talk about the things I don't care about. It took me two seconds to realize the immensity of what he just said.

"Wait. Did you just say that Candy's stopping by?" I asked.

"Yup. That's what she said."

Shock, then excitement.

It wasn't until a couple of minutes later, while I was refilling the napkin dispensers, that Phil brought up the Candy thing again. He was telling me that Candy was only going to be in the city for the weekend and blah blah blah. I couldn't listen. My mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of what she would be wearing and what she would say to me, if she would say anything to me at all. Then Phil said "There she is now." like Candy was doing something very natural.

"Hey babe," she said. *sigh* I wish she said those words to me. But she said them to Phil. And they were said while she was running sixty five miles per hour towards Phil.

She wrapped her arms around him and kept squealing. I kept my eyes down. It was like watching my own funeral, for godsakes. I kept refilling the dispensers but then I realized that it was already refilled, that I was breaking the goddamn dispenser. I looked up for one second and I saw *sigh* how lovingly she kissed him.

No, it wasn't one of those I-gotta-have-you-now kiss. It was one of those Sweetie-I-don't-know-how-I-made-it-without-you kind of kiss. And I just... melted.

"Hey Kit," she said next.

"Hey," I said without looking up. I didn't want to see her. I couldn't see her. I... just couldn't.

I put back the dispensers to their spots and walked to back of the store. I stood there for a few minutes. It hit me then that I was breathing heavily. I tried to calm down. I could do this. I kept thinking. But every time I took a step back into the store, I hurriedly took the same step back.

"Where's Kit?"

I could hear her voice from where I was. She was looking for me. It was hilarious. No, not hilarious like that, but hilarious nonetheless. In thirty seconds one of the guys came to get me. And Jen was sprinting fast behind him.

"She's looking for you."

I sighed. Jen hugged me, hugged me tight.

"She's looking for me," I said and started laughing. Jen held me, tried to laugh with me.

"Yes, she's looking for you," she said while stroking my hair.

I remember saying "I can't. Please. I just can't. Just tell her I can't." But what I remember more was the feel of the tears that rolled down my cheeks. They felt different. I wasn't crying because I lost her. I was crying because I could never have her again.

I wiped my tears dry, straightened out my shirt, cleared my throat and walked back into the store.

Oh how she hugged me!

"Hey hun. I have missed thee," she said.

I was savoring every minute of that hug. I wanted to hold her then like it was the last time I would ever hold her.

"I have missed you too," I told her. And that was the truth. I have missed her so very much. And somehow, even if it hurt to see them together, it was still wonderful just to be there to see her.

I let her go and looked at her. I smiled at her. I have forgotten how beautiful she was. It's been such a long time since I last saw her that I've forgotten how lovely she was under the store's light, that her hair's brown slash red slash blond, that she was my pretty goth chick.

"What?" she asked me.

"Nothing. It's just really good to see you."

We stood at the counter, our chins on our arms. I put my head in her arm for a second and said "I've really missed you."

"I know, hun."

And that would have been the perfect moment to hug her again except...

Except Phil wrapped his arms around her waist at that same moment and squeezed her. I was frozen. My god. She wants me to see this. I thought. And she probably did. No. She really did.

Then Phil said "Oooh, boobies." I just wanted to die. The hugging, I can stand. The kissing, I will endure. But groping. Groping is just too much.

Thankfully, Candy had enough sense in her to take his hands away from her body.

"Rutgers, right?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Ha! He didn't get in." she said while pointing at Phil. She was laughing.

"Don't do that. You're so mean!" I said.

"I know, and it's fun" she replied.

Well, at least I'm smart enough to get into Rutgers. I kept thinking. That was my only consolation. I was smarter than he...

At the end of Phil's shift, he clocked out and went to the bathroom to change his clothes. While Candy and I were waiting for him to come back, she flipped through our birthday cake catalog.

"Oooh. I want a Hello Kitty cake for my birthday!" she said.

"Are you serious? You know I'm actually get you one." I told her. She was laughing; she knew that I wasn't kidding either.

"That's true. I better take the time to actually pick one that I like," she said while flipping through the catalog.

"Okay. Here are your choices," she said.

"Oooh, let me get a pen and write it down," I said dryly.

I waited for her to tell me which ones she'd like. Five seconds later I realized that she was actually waiting for me to get a pen to write it down. Well, if I wasn't kidding, I guess she wasn't either. I grabbed a pen.

"You can get me... Either the Hello Kitty cake, the Winnie the Pooh cake but I want Eeyore in there, Lilo and Stitch, or Pokemon," she said while I scribbled all of that down. "Oh, and it would be so great if you could figure out a way to put it all in one cake."

"What are you doing for you birthday, miss?" she then asked me.

"Do you even know when my birthday is?" I asked her. It was a token question. How could she forget when our birthdays were right next to each other. But still...

"Yes. It's on the seventeenth."

"Right. Well, my friends and I are prolly going to hit the beach." I said.

"Oooh, the betch." [That's exactly how she said it.]

"Yes, the betch. What are you doing for yours?"

*points at Phil*

"Right," I said.

I felt betrayed with what Phil did next. He said:

"Uuwi na ako."

"Aaaw!" Candy said. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She pinched his cheeks and rubbed her nose to his. "You're so cute."

And he was. Except I taught him how to say that. I taught him how to say "Uuwi na ako" and he used it against me. I was enraged.

But then again, not really. I was just sad. Really, really sad.

I said my goodbyes, held her one last time and walked to my little corner at the store and cried...

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"Enslave me."

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No matter how we run from our feelings, our feelings will call us back and we will have no choice but to return... *sigh*

Labels: love, me

kitten posted @ 10:02 PM