It is amazing how much change can happen in an hour. You'd think that that if I lived through weeks and weeks of my friends trying to talk me out of leaving home, sixty minutes wouldn't make much of a difference. But I guess when it comes down to it, the little things are more life changing than the big ones.

I saw Blood Diamond today. I realized that some people have real, scary, life-threatening problems. And I'm out here trying to run away from my perfectly safe home, thinking that I'm better off somewhere, despite the fact that I might actually starve to death or worse... be reduced to something less than life.

I realized how I've stopped thinking about how I'm supposed to actualize my dream of becoming another woman president for the Philippines. I haven't gotten new ideas on how I'm supposed to make that change I want to effect on the world. All I've been wanting to change is my life.

I feel bad. I've stopped caring. And I always thought that's what set me apart from everybody else. A lot of people want to go into politics, but not all of them want to because they actually care.

And so I won't leave home. I have dreams. And this is the way that has been paved. I must sit through awfully uncomfortable conversations with my family; I must live by the house-rules; I must be the obedient, pride-and-joy-type of daughter they expect me to be. It is the way. It is the only way.

I want change. There is hope for the world yet. In the words of our Katipuneros Kung hindi ako, sino? Kung hindi ngayon, kailan?

Nothing wonderful is ever easy.

I want to change lives. And if I leave, I will change nothing but my life, and when I die, the world would be the same sad place. The world could be so much more beautiful than we are allowing it to be.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 11:35 PM