I'm a firm believer that people come into our lives for specific reasons.

I've realized that Jayar's back in my life because it is my karma. It sounds utterly ridiculous writing about it, but he's back in my life to bring me back to God, just as I brought him back to God. It hit me while I was reading his last two emails.

It's almost cruel, you know, that the once aetheist boy I knew will be the same one teaching me about God's omnipotence and omnipresence. And he seemed so surprised to hear me say that I'm now a non-believer. To be honest, had it been anybody else, I would have lied about it, told them I'm still the YFC-going, God-is-so-going-to-help-me-through-my-problems, 100-percent-pure [Of course, I use the term pure loosely.] girl that I was two years ago. But I know he would understand me, and would never take anything like that against me, so I was compelled to tell him the truth, and he did understand.

But now that I've admitted to going astray, he seems to want to bring me back to God. That isn't a bad thing, of course. I won't deny that I miss the overwhelming feeling of knowing that there's someone greater than you, that someone can make things happen for you regardless of the odds. But to know that he's in my life right now only because it is my karma makes me sad.

It is my karma. It is his karma. To all beings, a purpose. We can only receive what we have given.

But you know what? If anybody's going to take me back to God, I'm glad it's him. He's walked the path I walk now. Nobody can lead the lost better than those who have found the way.

Labels: thoughts

kitten posted @ 10:12 PM