My blog is flooded with posts. Thoughts are coming from all over the place and I just have to write each and every one of them down. My acquisition of a handheld has, of course, helped this writing thing further as I can now write whatever I want whenever I want.

So what is it about now?

*sigh*

The inevitable has happened. I should have known better and braced myself for it, for the war that will come, but I have done no such thing. I have been foolish, swept away in this ridiculously fun whateveritisyoucallit. Now that it's here, I crawl back into my hiding place and do what I do best - wallow.

Gin-gatas kagabi, gin-gatas mamaya, gin-gatas bukas.

I woke up today a little feverish, my head throbbing, unclear of what has happened the night before. All I remember was that Candy said Rule number three: Never trust your female friends who are also friends with your boyfriend. She will want to break the both of you up. "Felines" are lining up to get my man. You think I don't know. How pathetic. That message, I think, was what drove me into drinking. That and the fact that I couldn't talk to Phil. I felt so alone.

He asked me what was wrong. I told him nothing was wrong. He said that it couldn't have been nothing because he could hear it in my voice. I asked if it made a difference. He said that it did, because he didn't want to see me hurt and he couldn't bear to hear me cry.

*sigh*

What was I supposed to say? What could I have told him? Nothing. There was nothing to say. No words were enough. So I hung up. Then I started drinking.

I think I went out last night. I think that's why I was feverish when I woke up. I saw my Chucks on the foot of the bed, and I never leave my Chucks lying around. Where I went and why I went there, I could only guess. I'm just thankful that I woke up on my bed. I'm just thankful that I woke up at all.

So what now, my dears? What am I to do?

Well, I've deleted his numbers again. I'm blocking AIM on my computer so as not to be tempted to install it again. And that's all that I can really do for now. That's all that I can really do.

*sigh*

I want him to be happy. I want her to be happy. I want the both of them to be happy regardless of what that might mean for me.

They can get back together, or they can choose to stay apart. It matters very little which they choose, really. My feelings will remain the same either way.

This is the end of my fairy tale. I think it was never a fairy tale. I just believed it to be one, I wanted it to be one. I wanted to live happily ever after with my prince charming... I was foolish.

Love makes us foolish.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 3:10 PM