Yes. Well, nothing is perfect, try as I may to make everything so. Perhaps I am better off not trying, yes? I really don't know.

This day has been... bold. Yes, I think that word quite describes it: bold.

Ask me why I asked Candy to have coffee with me at Hoboken, ask me why I had offered to pick her up, ask me what I was thinking. I believe my answer to all those questions would be I don't know. And that would be that.

We were chatting online last night. It was pretty much harmless. I had tried not to touch matters I could not deal with, and she did not press. I asked her when she was headed back to Glasboro and learned that she was headed out Saturday - tomorrow.

Panic-stricken (and a little elated, I must admit), I did what any ex would do: I asked her to hang out. She told me that in the morning she had business to take care of at the Bronx, but that she would be back in the city in time for lunch. I said one-ish was perfect and offered to pick her up, which she did not decline.

I was up by nine in the morning. Excited, I guess. And I saw that she was still online, apparently she has been unable to sleep. I asked her whether she was up to seeing me and she said yes. Well, I'm not about to turn her down, am I?

By eleven-thirty, I was in the shower. By twelve-fifteen, I was headed out. By one (Sharp!), I was at Marin Boulevard and Montgomery Avenue. Leave it to me to take one-ish as one sharp.

I received a message telling me to wait up at the mall instead. I was confused but started towards the mall.

Loads of time to kill and no one to kill it with, I decided to head for Cosi... Phil.

Now that I think about it, while I made my way through the hundreds of hungry people trying to order lunch, I had second guessed myself - I didn't want to see Phil. But then if I had not wanted to see him, what was I doing there? I came up the counter, talked to the asian girl working the register and said Is Philip working?

Yee-noo-yeeaaahh-sss, she said while looking around. He's prolly just at the back getting something.

I looked around. Too many people. And Candy could be waiting for me somewhere. I used the bathroom and left a little too hurriedly. I took my phone out, ignoring a message I got from Candy, and typed Popped in. Couldn't stay. Sorry I missed you. Send. Sent.

I opened her message next. Apparently she was waiting for me at FYE. I typed I'm at the bookstore, sent the message. Two seconds later I realized that the bookstore was right by FYE and that all that stood between them was a flight of stairs. *face palm*

In less than a minute I got I'm at the bookstore from her. I couldn't think of anything else to reply so I typed I'm at FYE. Lol

I believe I was sprinting to FYE. No, I don't just believe I was sprinting. I was sprinting. She replied Stay there.

I stood outside FYE, straightening out my clothes, trying to make it look like I had not been running five miles an hour just thirty seconds ago. I flipped through the book I held in my hand for props...

Until her eyes pored into my soul.

I was uncertain whether I was to hug her or kiss her or just leave her alone. I let her decide: she kissed my cheek. Let's pass by Cosi, okay? I want a Chai latte.

Life is cruel. Life is too cruel. I couldn't tell her that I didn't want to go to Cosi, so we went, saw Phil, got her stupid Chai latte and headed for Hoboken.

Hoboken was uneventful. By four, she was ready to go home, so I took her Downtown and headed home. Or at least I tried.

Jen messaged me, asking me where I was. I called her, asked her where she was. She told me she was at Newport (the mall) with Ryan. I told her to stay there, that I would be there in fifteen and hung up.

I met up with her at FYE (Why do people love meeting up there?) and headed out.

But, as Fate would want it, we ran into the couple I wanted to see the least: Candy and Phil. Before I could say anything, (Which, to be quite honest, had taken about five minutes anyway because I was completely dumbfounded at the cruelty of it all.) he blurted out What are you talking about missing me? You two came to see me. I was there, she was there, you were there. He looked confused. So did Candy.

I looked up at the both of them, then I looked at Jen. All three of them were waiting for an answer and I didn't have one. It's nothing... I began. It's just that I was there earlier, I continued while trying to evade their stare. When I finally had the courage to look up, I saw Phil's enlightenment and Candy's... fear.

Fear. It is not the unknown that we fear. We fear what we know too well...

I stood frozen to the spot, waiting for their next move. Whatever happened next, I wanted it to have been their move, not mine.

Where are you headed? Phil asked.

Hoboken, I said.

Again? It was Candy this time.

Yeah, I said then shrugged.

I waited for them to leave. I waited for them to go away but they weren't moving. I guess they were waiting for us to leave too.

Well, lead the way, Phil said.

What? I was... angered.

Aren't you headed to Hoboken? he asked.

I hesitated for a second, then took Jen's arm and started towards the escalator. They tailed behind us. Jen kept giving me make-them-go-away looks. I just wanted all of it to be over...

I had a plan. Jen and I would walk slowly, subtly slip behind them, and lose them in the after-work rush. It didn't work. They kept looking back at us. And when we trailed too far behind, they sat down and waited for us. It was ridiculous.

He left Candy, walked towards me and Jen and said Sss-lll-ooooooooow.

Jen wants to know if you're coming with us to Hoboken, I said. If they couldn't take a hint, then there was no other way. Jen gave me a what-the-fuck-do-you-think-you-are-doing look. I winked at her.

Phil walked towards Candy, talked to her for thirty seconds and waved goodbye. YEAH!

When we were out of hearing range, Jen said What the hell was all of that about?

Napurnada, was all I could say.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 9:44 PM