She's our great neutralizer. It's almost funny that only a couple of weeks ago, I was still madly in love with her. Now, although I still can't say that my heart is completely devoid of any and all feelings for her, she's just that - a neutralizer.

We were done for the night. I was standing at the bottom stairs waiting for Jen. I could see him standing there, waiting for me. Then I saw her, at the vestibule, waiting for him, as he was waiting for me, as I was waiting for Jen. She started banging on the glass. She wanted to get in. I forced myself to look away. If I saw him hold her, I saw her kiss him, I would die. It's one thing to know that circumstances are hard, but it's another to actually see it.

She was still banging on the glass. I was pretty sure the tenants could hear the racket from upstairs. I looked in their direction, he was still there, waiting for me. I looked away. I heard the door open. He let her in.

There were no hugs and no kisses. I was getting tired of waiting for Jen, so I hollered Jen, you're taking forever. but what I really meant to say was Come here. I don't think I could go through this alone...

Kitten... she called from where she was. I knodded in acknowledgement, but went back to looking up the stairwell. I hollered again Jen! Quickly please.

Then I was surprised by a pair of arms that went around me. (I find that, when I isolate that moment, I close my eyes in reverie.) It was her... And she was holding me.

You scared me. Oh my god, you scared me. I said while laughing. She was laughing with me. I turned around into the embrace and held her, held her really, really tight.

Oh, now you hug me. I waved to you and you were all like Psh. Whatever. Now look at you. I couldn't stop myself from smiling... I stayed in her arms. I have missed her.

I have missed you. she said in her sweetest voice.

No, you didn't. I said with resentment.

Yes, I did. she insisted.

No, you didn't. Don't lie. I said.

But before she could answer, we both became aware that he was watching us. I let her go and went back to looking up the stairwell. Soon, Jen came down the stairs and we headed to the vestibule.

We stood there, silent and hesitant, until Phil walked away. She wrapped her arms around me again, and I kissed her cheek.

I'll talk to you later okay? she said.

Okay. Bye, sweetheart. I said.

Then they were gone...

---------------
If there's one thing he and I have in common, it's that we dedicate a great part of our lives for that woman and neither of us knows why.

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I wish Friday would never come. Goodbyes are never easy. And the anticipation is killing us.

Huhu.

He laughed at that. He didn't know what huhu was and when I told him, he laughed at me. He said that I was cute. I said that he thought I was stupid and just didn't want to say it. He said that he didn't say I was stupid, he said I was cute.

*sigh*

Don't go away, say what you say
Say that you'll stay
Forever and a day, in the time of my life
Coz I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right...
~from Don't Go Away by Oasis

*sigh* I think I shall cry!

Labels: feelings, love

kitten posted @ 11:13 PM