Love knows no virtue, no merit; it loves and forgives and tolerates everything because it must. We are not guided by reason, nor do the assests or blemishes that we discover tempts us to devotion or intimidate us. It is a sweet, mournful, mysterious power that drives us, and we stop think, feeling, wishing, we let ourselves drift along and never ask where we are drifting.

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These past few days I have been dying to talk to her again. I haven't seen and talked to her in a while and I've been arguing with myself, trying to decide whether I should call her or not. I, believe it or not, decided that I was better off not calling her. I would only miss her more, want her more, need her more, if that's at all possible. But life has a funny way of ruining our plans, of making us feel like the insignificant dots that we are. She messaged me.

She asked me whether I was working. I kept thinking that it was another one of her traps. She would lead me on again. So I ignored the message. Besides, it was one in the morning. I could just tell her that I was already asleep.

But my heart, as always, got the best of me. I guess you could say there't still a part of me that hopes that I could bring everything back or at least make something beautiful of what's left. So I replied, telling her that I would be working the late shift from 12.30PM-9PM, and asking her why she wanted to know.

It was four in the morning. I didn't expect her to reply. But that didn't stop me from staring at my phone, waiting for it to vibrate.

I guess waiting for my phone to vibrate isn't very exciting since I realized I fell asleep when I woke up. I got a message from her. She said that she will come and see me.

My heart leapt! I couldn't believe it. She was going to pay me a visit. I was happy. My heart sang.

I came to work, glad that I replied to her message. My heart was more than ready to greet her. She has no idea how long I have wanted to see her again.

The clock ticked three. I was excited.

The clock ticked four. I was ready.

The clock ticked five. I was getting impatient.

The clock ticked six, then seven, then eight... My heart sank. She didn't come.

It was a risk I took. I gambled my feelings, hoping, praying, needing to win the prize. But the house always wins and I... Well, I end up losing more than what I'm willing to give.

Perhaps I've become accustomed to her games, because I find I'm not hurting. I'm sure the next time she comes up with something like this, I'd be more than willing to take up her offer, whatever that offer may be. I say I'm tired of her games, but then I always play them, hoping to win...

Her.

Labels: love

kitten posted @ 11:24 PM