Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I wish it were me...
"There are things in oblivion
that do not fade...
Loving is my life...
Every moment with you is worth keeping..."
"The times when we stare at each other's eyes -
Chances you gave me showing that you're nice...
Your hand I always hold,
So soft, smooth, wam yet cold..."
"...it reminds me how close I am to you,
That, somehow, we'll get closer and I won't ever let you go...
I'll be stupid then, if I ever let you do so..."
I cried last night, even if I vowed never to cry because of you again. I am hurting because I know the words above will never be for me, and even if I do know this, my heart is still wants to be loved by you.
I couldn't sleep until the hours of the morning... All I could think of was what you said:
"Ayokong mainlove siya sa'kin. Sasaktan ko lang siya. Ayokong mahulog para sa kaniya. Di ako marunong magmahal. Utak ang ginagamit ko. Gusto ko siya maging kaibigan. Ayoko siya paiyakin..."
Tss. I can't believe you don't realize how what you said only showed how much
you already loved the person, and this only hurt me
more...
I argued with you, saying that you can't tell your heart to stop loving someone, but you insisted that it was possible, and I gave in... :(
I couldn't help but wish it were me you we're talking about... Then maybe I could tell you that the pain wouldn't matter as long as you love me and I love you... Then maybe I could show you how truly powerful love is... Then maybe I could take away all your doubts about
this love... Then... Maybe... Maybe I...
Maybe...
Funny how that's all it'll ever be -
Maybe....
I told you that maybe you could give yourselves a chance to be together, you and your beloved. Your feelings are mutual after all, and we both knew that. But your mind was made up. A relationship was out of the question.
An intellectual genius is a fool in love. That's what you are. And I am one [though I am not an intellectual genius. :P] for loving you the way I do.
*headdesk* I am such an idiot. An idiot of the worst kind. That is, the kind that can't take a hint. *toot* doesn't want me, I know. But... I want... *sigh*
"Bakit masakit magmahal ng isang kaibigan? Kasi kahit nakakasama mo siya, nakakausap, nakakatawanan, di pa rin maiwasan na kung pag-ibig ang usapan, iba ang binabanggit niyang pangalan..."
kitten posted @ 7:34 PM
Randoms things about me
I'm Kitten :)
I get a year older every 17th of August. I am a Leo, and I carry all traits associated with that zodiac.
Right now, I'm twenty years old and I'm loving it. They say we're only as young as we feel. I feel like I'm five.
I would never leave the house without my Zen and my E2. The latter connects me to the world; the former takes me away from it.
If I were to choose a word to describe my life, that word would be
crazy.
I am in love with the stars. I am in love with the rain.
I am a Rutgers University student, and I want to graduate with an English degree. An English-Psych double major would be nice. An English-TCert would be even better.
I want to be a teacher. I want to be writer. I want to be both.
I thrive on indie and emo. Mae, The Spill Canvas, Copeland and Daphne Loves Derby - these are the guys that I listen to. I listen to other bands here and there, but mostly those are the bands I follow. That being said, I'm a mainstream moron.
There's no feeling more lovely than being carried away. People don't usually think of me as somebody spontaneous, but I like being swept away as much as the next girl.
I fall in love easily, but it is really hard for me to fall out. Really hard.
I am very fragile.
I am tolerant of almost everything except one thing: intolerance.
I am an extensive reader. I thirst only for meaning, nothing else.
I love my friends <3
I am extremely spiritual but not religious.
Things I want to do in my life time
Get a job.
- Save up enough money to go back home -
wherever that is if I ever had one before I'm 40.
- Write a book.
- Sing for a Disney movie.
- Buy a house on top of a hill.
- Go bunjee jumping.
Travel halfway around the world.
- See Italy.
Find the one person who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
Draw and paint.
Learn how to play Sudoku.
- Volunteer for American/Philippine Red Cross or UNHCR.
Quit smoking.
Kitten recommends:
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery's The Little Prince
- Trina Paulus' Hope for the Flowers
- Paulo Coehlo's Eleven Minutes
- Leo Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Ilych and Other Stories
- Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs
- J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye
- Neil Gaiman's American Gods
- Anne Rice's Beauty's Release
- Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs
- Douglas F. Hofstadter's Godel Escher Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid
- Leonard Mlodinow's Feynman's Rainbow: A Search for Beauty in Physics and in Life
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