The most painful part about loving someone in secret is never getting to give them what they truly deserve. It will raise too many questions, and eyebrows, that you're better off forgetting you had feelings for that person to begin with.

This doesn't change the fact, however, that when the time comes when you need to do something nice for them, you are left hesitating. Will this be too much? Will this be too little? That's until you realize it's two weeks later and it's just too late to do anything at all.

But perhaps that is not the most painful part. I lied. The most painful part about loving someone in secret is the fact that it is not secret at all. The person merely refuses to acknowledge it, which is more painful than anything else in this world. So s/he goes off doing what it is that endears him/her to you the most, pretending you don't love him/her and it's like your love doesn't even exist... When contrary to that, your love is all that exists. That it is, for the moment, the only thing you feel, you see, you know.

You'd think that for all the pain you go through, you'd just decide one day to forget all your feelings, and perhaps on more than one occassion you have (As I have.). But then you never can. You say you want to stop and you say you'll find somebody else, but you never do. Perhaps because pain isn't the worst of it. Nothing is. Love is just love. And it is enduring. That's all that there is to it, isn't there?

Here's to pretense, the promise of pain, and enduring love.

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I lost my shamrock necklace. :( *sobs* Get *hic* me a *hic* new one. *sobs*

Labels: love, nonsense

kitten posted @ 11:01 PM