i recently made a decision to keep loving *superman*, i thought, "hey, i could live with anything life has to throw at me." i thought that i could make things work for us, for the band, if only i tried so hard... and now... im having doubts... my god... i didn't think it was possible... i never thought this would happen but it was face to face that they were trying to separate the both of us... they were trying to put space between us... and i couldn't bare the thought of it all... it was harder than i thought... this is what happened:

my neighbor was on her way home and she offered to give me a ride. of course anything free is worth taking so i thought id go home earlier than expected... *superman*, however, had other ideas and made me stay... so i did and he offered to take me home, which i very much appreciated. hmm... so we went about our ways... then *superman*'s brother arrived and yadayadayada... then it turned out the owner of the house had to leave and so we too had to leave... *superman*'s brother then asked me how i was going to get home, seeing that it was getting dark. i didn't know how to answer and *superman* was the one who answered for me... things were okay until *superman*'s brother told us that he'd rather that *superman* went home... *superman* said that if he'd like, his brother could tag along but he would definitely take me home... his brother then started insisting that he go home instead, he said that things would be fine... *superman* simply shook his head... when the tention died down he said firmly that he would take me home... whew... i was a bit relieved... i enjoyed the short ride to where we were supposed to catch another ride. when we got there, i called for a ride and was surprised to see that it was *superman*'s brother who was getting in with me... i then knew that *superman* lost the argument... i kept quiet while i got a scolding from him about how he's already told me that a relationship in a band will just ruin it... i didn't know what to say... i guess i thought i could have my way, but i learned that i couldn't...

it hurts so bad... i feel terrible... i know he doesn't want us to be together, but the thing is we're not... we try to keep our relationship strictly professional... we really do... and it's hard for us as well... i don't know what to do... things are harder than they seemed at the surface...
kitten posted @ 7:34 AM