It’s funny how that Discovery camp we had was supposed to make me want to deepen my said relationship with God, actually made me resent Him. It might be awkward hearing this from me, but yes, I resent Him. I resent Him so much I didn’t worship (I was physically there, yes, but my thoughts were far, far from being worship.). I resent Him so much our band performance was bad. I resent Him so much I walked out of my friends and went straight home.

You're probably wondering what made me resent him this much. Actually, it's more of an accumulated thing. It's like I have been trying to just accept what happens in my life, I've been trying to just face the fact that things don't work out for me (even if I try so hard) because they're not meant to, and what does He do? Nothing. That's why i resent Him this bad.

Today, I've felt the worst with Him. Especially with what happened with me and *superman*.

Fine. He can take him away, for all I care. He can ignore my prayers of taking the pain away with the person. Sure. But I can't let this one pass: a part of me died or got lost when i lost that person. I realized I am incomplete - unable to love as much I did in the past. It's a shame, not being able to love perfectly, and it's a burden...

Thing is, I want to get it back. I do. But I can't. Getting it back would mean talking about it out loud. I can't do that. Getting it back would mean facing my past so that I could fix my present. I can't do that. Come to think of it, there are a lot of things I can't do...

To incriminate (incriminate) the matter, Jayar made a stupid joke of my late grandmother. Yeah. Go ahead. Make fun of everything you can think of, won't you?! It hurt so bad that I cried. I wanted to hurt him, to kill him even! But that would make me better than him, or equal to him. It would make me no better than him. I'm sure I'm better than him. (See Green, Brown and Plaid). Very sure, as a matter of fact.

Hiay... There are more, and I mean MORE, bad things that happened to me today. Those, i don't even want to write, let alone think about.

I feel really bad. Really. Ugh. I hate this feeling.

This is probably the worst day of my life. As in worst talaga. it's the kind of day that you wish you won't live through so that you won't have to remember it again EVER in your life.
kitten posted @ 7:25 AM